John Travolta is detective Sean Archer who's son is killed by Castor Troy (Nicholas Cage). But not only is Troy a child murderer, he is also an international terrorist who has planted a nuke type bomb somewhere or other. But Troy is in a coma so he can;t tell anyone where it is...

Plot point to be resolved: How can we get the whereabouts of that bomb out of Troy's brother, who is being held in prison?

OK, we got an idea: How'bout we slice off Troys face, slice off Archers, put Troy's face on Archer so Archer (as Troy) can get Troy's brother to tell him where he put da bomb... Sounds simple enough, huh kids? OK, guess what fans, it's not that simple...

Ridiculous plot alert throughout. Impossible stunt back flippage warning. Scenes of smoking with no face advisory.

"This movie is ridiculous on so many levels, but at least they don't have a talking donkey."

"Even Elvis Presley would have turned this movie down."

"This movie reminded me of a comic I once started reading at the dentist. I had root canal work soon after. What spoiled this movie for me was that I didn't have any root canal work to look forward to afterwards."

"OK! the stunts are fantastic!"

"If anyone recommends this movie to you, slap them until they come to their senses."

Sean Archer manages to prove he is not Castor Troy when his wife (a nurse) takes a blood sample. Archer finds Troy had a son who is the same age as Archer's son was when he was killed.

After the inevitable shoot-out, Troy is killed. Archer has his old face returned to him. Archer takes the boy back to his family who all hug together for the new beginning set to begin as soon as this damn interminable movie ends...

Look up on the internet for a martial art (failing that make one up yourself) specializing in slapping people in the face while kicking their butts. Study this martial art until you are ready, then attack without mercy shouting "THIS MOVIE IS A LOAD OF OLD CRAP!"

The face off bit when Troy wanders around with no face on is horrible, but in an excitingly cool way when he then lights up a cigarette.

Cigarettes are also used later on to show Troy's (as Archer) coolness with Archer's angst ridden punky-daughter.

No. Nope. Niet. Never in a million years. OOOOOOOhhh Noooooo! Here comes the bus! Boing!

Never agree to having your face removed in a hopeless situation where your employers have told you in advance that they intend to deny your existence if it all goes wrong; or if there is the slightest chance that a terrorist could take your face in return, and your identity, thus endangering your family; or there is any doubt in your mind that you could spring, if necessary, single-handedly, a jail break from a maximum security jail.

(It may sound obvious to you as you read this, but believe us, in the heat of the moment...)

Enough pain killers so that you can put a nail through your hand and pull it out the other side while you watch this movie.

We saw the TV version of this movie, so, sadly, no swear words.

The only hand gestures of note: Archer likes to wave his hand lovingly in front of a loved one's face...

An utterly excruciatingly awful plot, redeemed a tiny bit with some very fine special effects. However it is all a load of old nonsense and they really should have known better.

An amazingly bad movie considering everyone involved with it.

September 7 , 2003