Buffy Summers (Kristy Swanson) is a cheerleader who discovers, via Merrick Jamison-Smythe (Donald Sutherland), that she is really a vampire slayer. Totally, like, just don't go there pleeease, relationship with like totally gross Oliver Pike (Luke Perry), who helps her out in moments of three vampires on one mayhem.

"I lost the point to live during this movie. Either the movie is totally crap, or I am a vampire and it has effectively destroyed my will to live."

"Porky's without the dick jokes."

"A six series television series out of this? Well it's set in a high school and Porky's was probably too rude."

"There's cheerleaders and neck biting, and chest stabbing and what more could a teenager ask for in a movie? Yep, all my boxes were ticked too. Why didn't it work then, should we get a story next time?"

"Not a plot, more of a 90 minute situation. What any girl would do if she found out she was the only hope against Vampires whilst still at High School."

"Luke Perry you are such a good looking boy, may I lick you?"

"I have never snored in a movie like I snored in this one. An absolute triumph. "

Get friends round for a 'mock this movie to shreds' sesh. Offer wine, nibbles and, maybe, some cheerleaders and some high school basketball players for some innocent naughtiness involving lots of alcohol.

A light hearted romp in the vampirean wilderness. A few moments of mirth (news reader saying Hickey is always great for the teens....)

Dogs love the canines in humans angle, and may try to become a vampire if not slapped decisively to a whimper the first time teeth are bared.

Cats may prefer to burrow for small rodents.

Small rodents may get the cat to chase them rather than watch this movie.

A blown kiss to the checkout girl.

A disappointedly nothing movie which amazingly spawned at least 6 series of the television show (and then Angel!).

Totally average effort all round, clearly trying to capture the youth market with the most likely stars of the day to attract them. Didn't work though...

August 3, 2003