Shameless mainstream exploitation movie masking as a brave attempt at dealing with down market exploitation movies during video revolution of 1970's.

"I could not believe it. He just whipped it out! Is he a pole vaulter?"

"If there is a tape-course for Diggler's motivational thought in that final scene I want me some of that!"

"A perfect excuse to get as much young new flesh on the big screen, with a plot as incidental as the movies they claim to be making."

"A veritable cornucopia of sexual metaphor coupled with full on pornography. Oh, for that time in one's ill-spent youth when one could perform erectly with sheer exuberance, if not magnificence, and then, if the director demands it, go all over it again from a different angle. A wondrous use of the demon flaccidly to telegraph the fall in potency brought about from substance abuse and the decline of the porn movie houses in favor of the increasingly be-sticky new fangled video cassette of the 1970's."

"Do men really pay money to watch someone just jerk themselves off? I might video myself next time and put it on my website for money - I shall call it pay per pull."

"The bit when those two were having sex and that group just stood round watching in the outdoors? I am expecting this to trigger my high school wetdreams again, a triumph!"

"Burt Reynolds has never worn a better toupee."

"This guy could suck his own penis! No wonder he looks so pleased with himself."

Rise and fall and then recovery of male porn star in late 1970's through the video revolution. Dabbling in drugs, music, indiscriminate shooting, jerking off for $10.

Ending: Mark Wahlberg, playing Dirk Diggler, whips out his (?) cock before going on stage.

"You have such a beautiful cock."

Large hot dogs might not be a good idea (if you must, make sure you have finished it before the very last scene.)

You may not be able to look a sausage in the eye for the next fortnight.

In the kneeling open mouthed position.

Sausages.

There is plenty of licky love. More than enough for most licky lovers.

Sub-porn sex in every conceivable position is included. Simply freeze frame in your mind and replay when required.

Lots of sexual jokes are included. Including a moment of Homo-madness when a man kisses him on the lips and tells him he loves him. Followed closely by a moment of hetro-madness when Diggler is surprised at this.

The last scene is truly unbelievable and may explain why they call Wahlberg tripod in Hollywood. (We think this scene is a special effect, but ILM do not return our calls.)

Completely realistic in a world of sex everywhere. It resembles a George Michael video in many ways but it goes on for over two hours.

Dirk Diggler sounds like a porn star of the late 1970's.

Your dog will love this movie, however avoid shouting fetch in the last scene as the dog may well jump head first into the television set causing unneeded death and dismemberment and fire.

Cats are likely to take up tai-chi during this movie, be on hand to help out if one of his little paws gets stuck behind his head.

Geese will love the final scene for reasons of the 'worm in the trouser' and will become overexcited on the verge of overheating.

If you have a big cock your life will not necessarily be a bed of roses, but you'll at least have something to cheer you up on those rainy days.

A used foot long condom (ribbed).

The f-word is used extensively, but not award winningly.

The movie rarely goes higher in the scheme of things than a sub-porn movie.

A few moments of techno-film-a-babble, but this is handled well - a character says: you'll have to wait twenty minutes (rather than, say, the shutter faucet raterage is broken and we are waiting for a hammer hosen stooper to fix it) which is a relief.

Acting methods are also dangerously alluded to, however the director then skillfully cuts away to bare assed naked humping.

Wahlberg's first lead role in more ways than one. A terrible movie which seems to have been made specifically to exploit Wahlberg's fame/body following the Calvin Klein modeling career and Marky Mark episodes.

There is little to recommend in this film, although the soundtrack is fine. You have been warned.

Humbly nominated for inclusion in the worst 100 movies of all time by this site.

March 3, 2002