Click here to go back to main movie index
Assault on Precinct 13
Studio executives summary / pitch
So, this is what they based Police Squad on...
Short plot summary

A gang of hoodlums are out to make trouble. They kill a little girl who has just bought an ice cream (she's returning it as the ice cream seller gave her the wrong kind of vanilla something) they also kill the ice cream seller.

The Dad of the little girl is told of a gun in the front of the ice cream van with a dying-nod from the ice cream seller, he takes it and chases after the only car driving down the road at the time. Eventually it becomes dark, he luckily kills the guy who killed his daughter then unluckily runs into a deserted police station to report the incident.

The gang of hoodlums surround the police station which is in the process of being shut down. Only a black cop, a couple of women and some prisoners with their guards (moved to the station on the day) are there. The gang pick off characters inside the station by shooting with silencers a number of windows and make attempts to storm it.

Stars
Austin Stoker, Darwin Joston and Laurie Zimmer.
What our panel of critics thought (Continued)

"This movie is a gift for parody writers..."

"I saw this movie when I was much younger and liked it. Unfortunately I have since seen Police Squad, and on re-watching this film, I was expecting to see Frank Drebbin at any moment; but in the end there is no gray haired person whatsoever. A disappointment."

"Made in 1976, today it would never have been made. My main problems were:

The whole place is deserted

The ice cream maker nods to the Dad that there is a gun in the front of the van then he dies

The Dad chases the first (and only) car he sees (he does not see who killed his daughter, he just assumes)

In the police station, after the sniping has stopped for about 3 minutes, the black cop goes straight to the window to look outside (he clearly could have been shot)

When deciding who is to make a break for the outside to get help, one of the prisoners says I don't like flipping a coin, so they play stone and paper with a playground song (did Police Squad ever do patty cake? - very similar)

There is a moment where a man and woman are looking at each other: he says he wants a cigarette and without looking down she gives him a cigarette, then tries to light it and she has a lighter. You almost expect him to say donut and she would have had one too - this HAS been done on Police Squad we are sure..."

"Is this movie supposed to be funny?"

"1976 trash for people who don't like cowboys."

"A cowboy type movie without the hats but peppered with a special dumbness."

"The music at the start reminded me of the bit in Blazing Saddles where Louis Armstrong and his Orchestra go by in a bus... That deep thumping music, you really do expect some guy with a ghetto blaster to come by at any moment, or a car with a loud stereo to drive by..."

Please tell me the ending or plot details if necessary

Eventually backup arrives and they enter the police station to rescue what's left of our bloodied heroes.

What snack should I eat while watching this movie?

Super crunchy chips, or anything to drown out the dialog.

If I were to watch this at home how best should I sit?

In the emergency landing position (see the movie Airplane); alternatively try the sitting position of a passenger with Frank Drebbin driving.

Is there enough licky love in this film?

No. The closest we come to this is a moment of lighting cigarette madness.

How funny is this film?

It basically plays as a comedy today, sure this wasn't intended. Count the number of jokes Police Squad have used based on this movie...

Basically never surpasses road crash horror.

Would your cat enjoy this movie? Would your dog like it? Other pets?

Dogs could attempt to fortify their kennels using food cans and sticks from the beach.

Cats will get their kitty-chums round to circle and destroy the dog's kennel.

Water rodents, including Beaver, will chuckle heartily at the dryness of the setting, much preferring Waterworld (you don't often hear that).

What can I take from this movie to make me a better person?

Never believe any paper that gives this movie 4 stars out of 5.

How much would you pay for a copy of this movie in goods.

A set of caps from a broken toy gun from the 1970's.

Does the film attempt technobabble? If so, does this succeed?

We would love to hear the director's (John Carpenter) justification for the plot points in this movie.

Other comments

A terribly dated movie. Unsophisticated compared to equivalent movies today (you don't often hear that).

A must see for Police Squad fans and Mel Brooks fans too. Parody is just so easy with movies like this... We want our money back.

Date of review

June 25 , 2002

Search This Site (Google) Please send a link to our movie main page to tell a friend about us by clicking here. Got a comment? We will print your best suggestions. Please send your e-mail to editor@theVoiceofReason.com