Studio executives summary / pitch
|
| Buddy-boy
oil riggers - the only hope for planet Earth.
|
Short plot
summary |
|
Much macho mayhem
as oil riggers are sent into space to drill into an asteroid which is pinging
its way towards earth. Their aim is to drill down into the rock, put explosives
down the hole, and then blow it up. |
What our
panel of critics thought |
"This
movie is a close encounter of the dumb kind.""Did
Independence Day use that same library footage of all those people all over the
world looking up into the skies? I want my money back.""How
low can dumbed down movies go? Not this low surely?""It
has always been my ambition to go into space to kill myself in order that the
whole world could be saved. A triumph from Mr Willis who looks as if he is about
to laugh outrageously as soon as the camera stops rolling.""I
know, I know. I am told that this is how football players bond. All I'm saying
is - this isn't how the debating society did it.""Lots
of shouting. Even more grabbing each other and throwing each other whilst still
shouting at them. I can't wait to get back to the relative sanity of the WWF(E)
ring.""I'm
off, please tell me how it ends. On second thoughts don't bother I need to pee
for the next hour.""Bruce,
don't stay! Damn, that's a waste of a perfectly good A-List actor.""If
I ever see me another counting down clock or another blue or red wire to cut it
will be too soon." |
Please
tell me the ending |
|
The
earth is saved - this leads to a hug fest throughout the world. (Then, soon after,
we presume the suicide bombings start up again.) The
Bruce Willis character dies along with a few of the other more annoying characters.
Don't fear kids: Ben Affleck lives on for the sequel. |
Most embarrassing moment |
|
At the end
of the movie, an army guy goes up to the daughter of the Bruce Willis character
and says: "May I have the honor of shaking the hand of the daughter of
the bravest man I ever knew" - or something like that - we ran from the
room holding our red glowing faces to be absolutely sure. |
Alternative
casting suggestions |
|
A
clinically depressed actors edition. or
The cast of Fraiser edition. |
If I were
to watch this at home how best should I sit? |
| In
the about to accept the high five raised arm position. |
If
a character from this film were to be asked on to Jerry Springer what would the
heading of the show be? |
"This
kid is sleeping with my precious daughter (she's the only one I got, Jerry). I'm
gonna shoot him. Where's my gun?" [Starts
shooting into the crowd as the guy runs away. Nobody hit. |
Would
the scary bits make your cat jump out of your lap causing scratch marks? Would
your dog like it? Other pets? |
|
This
is a dog movie through and through - the movie majors in issues of loyalty and
shiny noses. Dogs may feign an injured leg if you attempt to force them to go
to their sleep box before the movie ends. Cats
will attempt to topple the limping dog by running fast into the opposite good
leg. Budgerigars
will learn a whole new tune during this movie and will sing it for the next six
months. |
What can
I take from this movie to make me a better person? |
| Repeat
after me: "On my honor, it is my duty to planet Earth, to save it when called
upon. For this I will ask only reasonable expenses and will gladly give my life
if it means the continuance of the life of everyone else on the planet." |
How much
would you pay for a copy of this movie in goods? |
| An
action man doll with only one arm. |
Other comments
|
| Run
for the hills - this is a painfully testosterone fueled super dumb outing for
all the family. Nothing makes any sense whatsoever. |
Date
of review |
| |