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AWOL - ABSENT WITHOUT LEAVE
Short plot summary

Our hero's brother is burned into a slowly breathing scab. Jean-Claude van Damme goes to save his brother, find his family and make sure they are all right by providing money and cuddly toys, in between punching people for profit.

What our panel of critics thought

"A high kicking punchfest of eye-blackening proportions."

"I can't wait until Jean-Claude is 80 years of age. Keep up the kicking, my dear, it comes in useful at the Post Office..."

"Mr van Damme seems to take himself ever so seriously, and why not? A fantastic body, a back-kick never bettered and pecs so hard if you were to accidentally run into him head first you would be instantly concussed. A wonder!"

"I find it very difficult to understand what our favorite Belgian citizen is saying, for sometimes he talks as if his mouth is filled with snails or other small garlicky mollusks, however when he kick-boxes it is pure poetry. A Round House Wunderbarr!"

"Now, that fight in the swimming pool, with the long-haired guy, this needs some analysis. What is this trying to say?"

"In his day, nobody kicked higher."

"Nobody ever called him a Jesse (or if they started they never managed to finish the word) without expecting a swift punch to the mush."

Please tell me the ending

There's nobody left to beat up.

His brother dies. Our hero, Lyon, wins all of his fights, but then the Legion find him and attempt to take him back. He gets in the car, but comes a-running back to end with wholesome family-type hug.

Other comments

Has all of the ingredients and qualities of a hard on porn movie, but without the hard on porn.

Don't try to watch this movie using any normal 'watching a film technique', put it on the TV with the sound down and have a conversation. If viewed this way it is really quite fine.

The movie rarely surpasses pleasantly homo-erotic. A basic plot designed to set up different fights in varying degrees of shirt-offedness.

Date of review

June 11 , 2002

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