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AWOL
- ABSENT WITHOUT LEAVE
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Short
plot summary |
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Our
hero's brother is burned into a slowly breathing scab. Jean-Claude
van Damme goes to save his brother, find his family and make sure
they are all right by providing money and cuddly toys, in between
punching people for profit.
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What
our panel of critics thought |
"A
high kicking punchfest of eye-blackening proportions."
"I
can't wait until Jean-Claude is 80 years of age. Keep up the kicking,
my dear, it comes in useful at the Post Office..."
"Mr
van Damme seems to take himself ever so seriously, and why not?
A fantastic body, a back-kick never bettered and pecs so hard if
you were to accidentally run into him head first you would be instantly
concussed. A wonder!"
"I
find it very difficult to understand what our favorite Belgian citizen
is saying, for sometimes he talks as if his mouth is filled with
snails or other small garlicky mollusks, however when he kick-boxes
it is pure poetry. A Round House Wunderbarr!"
"Now,
that fight in the swimming pool, with the long-haired guy, this
needs some analysis. What is this trying to say?"
"In
his day, nobody kicked higher."
"Nobody
ever called him a Jesse (or if they started they never managed to
finish the word) without expecting a swift punch to the mush."
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Please
tell me the ending
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There's
nobody left to beat up.
His
brother dies. Our hero, Lyon, wins all of his fights, but then the
Legion find him and attempt to take him back. He gets in the car,
but comes a-running back to end with wholesome family-type hug.
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Other
comments |
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Has
all of the ingredients and qualities of a hard on porn movie, but
without the hard on porn.
Don't
try to watch this movie using any normal 'watching a film technique',
put it on the TV with the sound down and have a conversation. If
viewed this way it is really quite fine.
The
movie rarely surpasses pleasantly homo-erotic. A basic plot designed
to set up different fights in varying degrees of shirt-offedness.
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Date
of review |
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June
11 , 2002
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