Studio executives summary / pitch
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| Hong
Kong Sumo kick boxing Asian travelogue Bond.
|
Opening Sequence |
|
The
man with the golden gun is forced to kill an assassin hired to kill him in a Cato
(Pink Panther) type way - his assistant (Tattoo off Fantasy Island) arranges it.
Scaramanga,
the man with the golden gun, saves his own life and then shoots a life-size effigy
of James Bond - he shoots Bond's fingers off in a moment of plaster exploding
madness... |
Short plot
summary |
|
The stupid Southern
sheriff (J W Pepper - Clifton James) from Live and Let Die, returns for a very
short incident to help Bond seek out Scaramanga (Christopher Lee). Bond doesn't
know what Scaramanga looks like but knows he is trying to kill him. Scaramanga
lives with babes and a dwarf who talks, walks and is just like Tattoo off the
original Fantasy Island (here called Nick Nack - Herve Villechaize). It makes
you wonder if this movie wasn't just a pilot for Fantasy Island, apart from Ricardo
Montaballon who is not in it (although Christopher Lee does look a little like
him without the smiles). But
Scaramanga is not only an assassin now, he has built a massive super gun on this
island, with which he is planning to terrorize the world... |
Rating |
| PG
- some gun pulling and proddy-kissing with wobbly cheeks. |
What
our panel of critics thought
(Continued)
|
"All
in all a disappointing Bond, although we do get to see what Mr Moore looks like
with three nipples. A three nipple triumph!" "This
is all very confusedly Asian. What are Sumo's doing in Hong Kong (they are Japanese).
And then there is the obligatory Thai kick boxing which was the first time probably
most of us in the West had seen such delightful shin thuggery! Bravisimo!""Oh,
Mr Lee, thank goodness you refrained from trying to suck blood out of our Mr Bond.
A fashion tip my dear: You look much better without a cape!""Sheriff
'Jay Dubya' Pepper returns in all of his dribble filled perfection. Well done
boy!""The
man with golden gun has created a massive intercontinental golden gun which is
set to destroy anything it is aimed at. I do like to see the man has thought about
all of the administration this kind of terrorism requires. Although we never see
it, I feel certain he must have had a fully staffed back office, on top of the
underground reservoir filled with water which always seemed doomed to explode
dramatically at the end.""Goodnight,
the Bond babe, needlessly uses her butt towards the end of this epic to en-flap
our unflappable hero. She backs into a lever which opens up a door, then flips
about pretending to not realize what her exquisite bottom has just done! Is this
one of the most stupid women in movies at the time, or is she so keen to see her
butt 12 feet tall on the big screen she didn't care? Get me her agent at once!""Oh,
Miss Moneypenny, you make my heart sing, wild thing!"
|
Please
tell me the ending.
|
| A
duel between Bond and Scaramanga is foiled when Scaramanga disappears. But Bond
follows him into a darkened room with mirrors and manages to shoot him to dramatic
music. James
Bond sails off with Goodnight (Britt Ekland) at the end, on a classic old Asian
type boat (to China?). Shorty Nick Nack, follows Bond, attempts to kill him, but,
in the fight, Bond locks him in a suit case. |
Quotable
quotes (real)
|
| Handbags
at the ready: "There's a useful four letter word, and you're full of it." |
What
snack should I eat while watching this movie?
|
| Any
three Asian cuisines mixed in a bowl together for five minutes. (We suggest Chinese,
Japanese and Thai). In Vietnamese cooking avoid any ingredients with the words
woof, wet nose and paws in. |
If I were to watch this at home how best should I sit? |
| In
the about to duel with cushions position. |
Could
this be made into a children's cartoon show? |
|
Herve
is a favorite with all children and animals, almost guaranteeing success. Beware:
Some children could be traumatized by the incident in which Herve is forcibly
put in a suitcase - firmly lock your children in the closet when this happens
just to be on the safe side. |
Could
this movie be improved with more spitting?
|
| JW
spits all the while, which we think is refreshing in a mainstream movie. Thankfully
when he spits in the car he aims for outside, which is a relief. Spitting
inside either a car or house is still one of the last movie taboos, but we are
sure this subject will be dealt with soon in a mainstream movie. Watch this site. |
Is
there enough licky porn in this film?
|
| No,
not enough. Whilst Bond gets the girl, we never see much more than the customary
front faced spooning, never any hard-core butt clenching sweaty heaving. A missed
opportunity to educate. Are they trying to tell us anything new at all in this
movie? |
Would
your cat enjoy this movie? Would your dog like it? Other pets?
|
| Dogs
could sleep throughout. Dogs are, in general, fans of Nick Nack sized people -
if they wake up for a minute or two during the movie they could end up dreaming
of running on a beach together in slow motion. Cats
like Nick Nack too. At the time of the movie, pet furry Nick Nack's were a very
popular merchandising tie in in certain sex n'pet shops. You may be able to find
a half chewed one in a local sale - make sure you boil it before giving it to
your pets, making sure to color in any faded bits with die fast pens. Field
mice like the idea of kick boxing and you may be able to hear them trying it out
in their cages when you go to sleep at night (they look like mini-kangaroos, bless).
|
How
funny is this film? |
|
It
is generally a rather dull affair following on from Live
and Let Die which was quite good. The best stunts all derive from the
other movie too, with a brief boat sequence and car chases used to introduce the
over-spitty JW. Asians
may find it annoying as all the Asian cultures are mixed up for a Western audience.
You
can see why they reprieved JW, he provides the only real moment of attempted comedy. |
What
can I take from this movie to make me a better person?
|
| Never
mess with Christopher Lee even when he isn't wearing a cape. |
Other
comments |
|
Not
as good as Live
and Let Die. The movie clearly shows the birth of Fantasy island
which will serve as Herve Villechaize's vehicle later. |
Date
of review |
|
July 3 , 2002 |