The man with the golden gun is forced to kill an assassin hired to kill him in a Cato (Pink Panther) type way - his assistant (Tattoo off Fantasy Island) arranges it.

Scaramanga, the man with the golden gun, saves his own life and then shoots a life-size effigy of James Bond - he shoots Bond's fingers off in a moment of plaster exploding madness...

The stupid Southern sheriff (J W Pepper - Clifton James) from Live and Let Die, returns for a very short incident to help Bond seek out Scaramanga (Christopher Lee). Bond doesn't know what Scaramanga looks like but knows he is trying to kill him.

Scaramanga lives with babes and a dwarf who talks, walks and is just like Tattoo off the original Fantasy Island (here called Nick Nack - Herve Villechaize). It makes you wonder if this movie wasn't just a pilot for Fantasy Island, apart from Ricardo Montaballon who is not in it (although Christopher Lee does look a little like him without the smiles).

But Scaramanga is not only an assassin now, he has built a massive super gun on this island, with which he is planning to terrorize the world...

"All in all a disappointing Bond, although we do get to see what Mr Moore looks like with three nipples. A three nipple triumph!"

"This is all very confusedly Asian. What are Sumo's doing in Hong Kong (they are Japanese). And then there is the obligatory Thai kick boxing which was the first time probably most of us in the West had seen such delightful shin thuggery! Bravisimo!"

"Oh, Mr Lee, thank goodness you refrained from trying to suck blood out of our Mr Bond. A fashion tip my dear: You look much better without a cape!"

"Sheriff 'Jay Dubya' Pepper returns in all of his dribble filled perfection. Well done boy!"

"The man with golden gun has created a massive intercontinental golden gun which is set to destroy anything it is aimed at. I do like to see the man has thought about all of the administration this kind of terrorism requires. Although we never see it, I feel certain he must have had a fully staffed back office, on top of the underground reservoir filled with water which always seemed doomed to explode dramatically at the end."

"Goodnight, the Bond babe, needlessly uses her butt towards the end of this epic to en-flap our unflappable hero. She backs into a lever which opens up a door, then flips about pretending to not realize what her exquisite bottom has just done! Is this one of the most stupid women in movies at the time, or is she so keen to see her butt 12 feet tall on the big screen she didn't care? Get me her agent at once!"

"Oh, Miss Moneypenny, you make my heart sing, wild thing!"

A duel between Bond and Scaramanga is foiled when Scaramanga disappears. But Bond follows him into a darkened room with mirrors and manages to shoot him to dramatic music.

James Bond sails off with Goodnight (Britt Ekland) at the end, on a classic old Asian type boat (to China?). Shorty Nick Nack, follows Bond, attempts to kill him, but, in the fight, Bond locks him in a suit case.

Handbags at the ready: "There's a useful four letter word, and you're full of it."

Any three Asian cuisines mixed in a bowl together for five minutes. (We suggest Chinese, Japanese and Thai). In Vietnamese cooking avoid any ingredients with the words woof, wet nose and paws in.

In the about to duel with cushions position.

Herve is a favorite with all children and animals, almost guaranteeing success.

Beware: Some children could be traumatized by the incident in which Herve is forcibly put in a suitcase - firmly lock your children in the closet when this happens just to be on the safe side.

JW spits all the while, which we think is refreshing in a mainstream movie. Thankfully when he spits in the car he aims for outside, which is a relief.

Spitting inside either a car or house is still one of the last movie taboos, but we are sure this subject will be dealt with soon in a mainstream movie. Watch this site.

No, not enough. Whilst Bond gets the girl, we never see much more than the customary front faced spooning, never any hard-core butt clenching sweaty heaving. A missed opportunity to educate. Are they trying to tell us anything new at all in this movie?

Dogs could sleep throughout. Dogs are, in general, fans of Nick Nack sized people - if they wake up for a minute or two during the movie they could end up dreaming of running on a beach together in slow motion.

Cats like Nick Nack too. At the time of the movie, pet furry Nick Nack's were a very popular merchandising tie in in certain sex n'pet shops. You may be able to find a half chewed one in a local sale - make sure you boil it before giving it to your pets, making sure to color in any faded bits with die fast pens.

Field mice like the idea of kick boxing and you may be able to hear them trying it out in their cages when you go to sleep at night (they look like mini-kangaroos, bless).

It is generally a rather dull affair following on from Live and Let Die which was quite good. The best stunts all derive from the other movie too, with a brief boat sequence and car chases used to introduce the over-spitty JW.

Asians may find it annoying as all the Asian cultures are mixed up for a Western audience.

You can see why they reprieved JW, he provides the only real moment of attempted comedy.

Never mess with Christopher Lee even when he isn't wearing a cape.

Not as good as Live and Let Die. The movie clearly shows the birth of Fantasy island which will serve as Herve Villechaize's vehicle later.

July 3 , 2002