Studio executives summary / pitch
|
| How
about Bond gets caught and almost dies...? OK give it a shot and pepper it with
'homage's' (remember, that's not a repeat) from past Bond movies to save our creative
juices in this 20th outing. Directed by Lee Tamahori. |
Opening
Sequence
|
|
James
Bond (Pierce Brosnan) is captured but has already put C4 explosives under a tray
of diamonds which have been handed over to the baddies... However, embarrassingly,
our hero is one of the first good guys to be caught by 3G... damn! Yes folks,
Bond's face and credentials are sent to the bad guy's just at the worst time for
our hero, but the best time for plot development, and then the shooting starts. After
furious running, hovercraft racing and machine gun strafing our be-dimpled Irishman,
playing our English hero, is caught again. Before
the credits roll, our hero is playing dunk for apples but without the apples and
with the baddies pushing down hard. British Madonna is now the only thing between
this and the story continuing, come on babe speed up... |
Short plot
summary |
|
When Bond is
captured by the North Koreans he is traded for a bad guy (Zao - Rick Yune) who
Bond is then sent back to catch... M (Judi Dench) is pissed with Bond, she is
her under pressure to sort out the situation from Damian Falco (Michael Madsen)
an American. Halle
Berry plays Jinx, a feisty American (NSA) who appears to be out to kill Bond at
times (yep, exactly just like friendly fire but in a great dress). But, never
fear, fans, after giving her the kiss of life, Bond starts her a-breathing again,
only for Bond to get his own back by nearly suffocating her again with a big passionate
kiss - thankfully she does not vom. |
Please
tell me the ending.
|
| Bad
girl Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) loses a cat fight with Jinx (Oscar winning
actress Halle Berry) and Diamond face Zao (Rick Yune) and everything explodes
before the end. Asian
Zao has a face change to become European Zao in yet another triumph of preventing
more Asian faces on the big screen in Hollywood. But his plan is foiled somehow
or other... Bond
wins in the end, bonking Jinx in Asialand as the end credits roll. |
What
our panel of critics thought
|
"Pierce
Brosnan has been an exemplary Bond, he is now our favorite. But is his time almost
up? Hugh Jackman, come on down babe, it's time we had another Australian Bond,
Lazenby only lasted one movie." "A
superb example of 'flippy-up arms' whilst running, from our Mr Bond. It looks
at times like he is trying to box a small mammal on both his shoulders. What's
that all about then? Has he been CGi'd in?""So,
when does an homage become a revised repeat?""This
movie is peppered with homages, we are told in the DVD, but isn't this just a
nice n'easy way of repeating the best bits of earlier movies? But thankfully there
are no flash back moments with a wobbly screen and harps." |
Super Greasy Quotable quotes (real)
|
| "Oh,
James, Can't you keep it in a little while longer?" |
Gadget
|
Laser
watch, well armed car. |
What snack should I eat while watching this movie? |
Fish
and chips with salt and vinegar and tomato sauce whilst wearing a 'Kiss me quick'
hat from London town. |
If I were to watch this at home how best should I sit? |
In
the unshaven, open pajama topped way. |
Would your cat enjoy this movie? Would your dog like it? Other pets? |
Dogs
are scared of North Koreans generally in view of the fact that they are a delicacy
in that country. Expect whining and perhaps a few tears before bedtime. Cats
will enjoy the psychological torture of dogs throughout. They will try to perfect
a griddle/sizzling sound with their mouths during this movie. Rabbits
may choose to give themselves a complete anal wash. |
Other comments |
Number
20 in the Bond series. Pierce Brosnan is now firmly our favorite Bond, but there
are rumors that this is his last one... Is this a contract renegotiation ploy,
or is it really his last?Who
will replace him in the inevitable next movie? We like Hugh Jackman a lot... |