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The Matrix
See our funny reviews of The Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions
Studio executives summary / pitch
Alternative reality freeze-frame kick boxing bedlam
Short plot summary

Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love with boy. Boy is the chosen one. Reality is not what it appears. Boy and girl kick ass.

Please tell me the ending or whole plot if necessary

Neo (Keanu Reeves) is a computer programmer who suspects there is more to life than he understands. He is found by a group of people who change him so that he becomes one of them - ie those not in the Matrix - the simulated 'reality' we all know as real life.

His mentor, Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne), believes Neo is 'the one' - someone with extra special powers who can be used to fight whoever is controlling the Matrix. Morpheus teaches Neo how to dodge bullets.

Neo and Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss), in trying to rescue Morpheus, who has been captured by the authorities in charge of breaches in the Matrix program, cause slow motion explosion mayhem in the building he is being interrogated in.

Ending: Neo dodges bullets to avoid being killed by the baddies.

Neo last seen flying into the air, like superman but with better dress sense

What our panel of critics thought

"Hey babe: Download this!"

"An alternative reality kickboxing, fast shooting, Jujitsu-fest. Not much blood though."

"A better plot than Tomb Raider but the kicks are just as high!"

"At last a geek film that the rest of us can enjoy too."

"The first bit, where she goes into the telephone booth with the truck crashing into it? I only recently realized she had downloaded herself to escape. This is one of the most high tech escapes since beaming up in the 60's, but without the flashing lights."

"Follow the white rabbit? Not since that veritable treasure trove of cartoon and animatronic bewilderment that was presented as 'Alice through the looking glass' have I felt less at home, and yet, still remaining in a certain unfamiliar room of my home at the same time."

"Trinity rocks but doesn't roll."

"A smorgasbord of virtual real-reality. A sight to behold and then to let go thanks to moderate alcohol over indulgence."

"Neo's office is open plan hell. In any Dilbert movie, I think Keanu would be an excellent choice as the lead."

"The office scenes reminded me of a cross between Dilbert and Indiana Jones, Keanu Reeves acts a triumph!"

"The parallel between Morpheus and bin Laden is interesting."

"The bit where the thing goes down Neo's belly button is horrible. It put me off sausages for a whole week."

"Is there a shorter version of this movie? One where he takes the blue pill?"

"The Oracle didn't scare me none, shit dude."

"A glorious post Tron of a movie - but this one makes sense!"

"Why don't they ever escape using a cell phone? Shit man, even in fiction 3G can't be made to work!"

"So, if I'm having a bad day it's all because the Matrix has got it in for me? Makes sense, who can I sue?"

What snack should I eat while watching this movie?
Crackers and cheese.
Alternative casting suggestions
The Matrix Beach special
Big muscled stroppy one - Morpehus
Smaller swimmer one - Neo
Pamela Anderson - Trinity
Quotable quotes (real)

"You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap." "MMMMMM mmmmfffffftttttt!"

"You take the blue pill, the story ends and you wake up in your bed and believe whatever it is you want to believe. You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

"Never send a human to do a machine's job."

If this was on at a drive-in what weather conditions would you endure to see it to the end.

Everything except close thick fog.

If I were to watch this on video/DVD how best should I sit?

In the about to be injected in 100 places all over your body at the same time position.

Is there enough licky love in this film?
No. The early sexual tensions between Neo and Trinity has potential, but perhaps we will have to wait for a future movie to see any hot tub, or steamy shower action.
How funny is this film?
Deeply disturbing on a reality-conscious level. There are no laughs. If you find the movie funny check the dubbing switch on your DVD which may have been switched to Swedish.
Suggest marketing tie-in products based on this movie
Super-Director's cut, extra crisp 7 DVD box set reality vision home entertainment experience.
Neo Jujitsu suit and tie.
Course of ten Neo-Jujitsu lessons - includes exclusive 'arm thwacking' technique.
The Neo-Jujitsu workout video/DVD - special fast/slow forward/backwards workout.
Does this film stand up to rigorous reality testing?

Yes, completely, the most accurate Hollywood movie in history. We all exist in a reality which is merely posing as real.

Could you make out while watching this movie?
No, this movie is too good for sex.
This could be a good after-sex movie.
Would the scary bits make your cat jump out of your lap causing scratch marks? Would your dog like it? Other pets?

Cats will hide the remote control in an attempt to watch the movie in a loop at least ten times.

Dogs will try watching the movie one eye at a time, tilting their heads at times for no reason in particular.

Ducks will not be able to stop quacking whenever Reeves is on the screen

How much would you pay for a copy of this movie in goods.
An aging talking parrot (with about 6 months left to live.)
Would this movie win awards for performances of the f-word?

No, performances of the f-word are not of significance in this movie, a missed f-wordattunity.

Does the film attempt technobabble? If so does this succeed?

The whole movie is technobabble. The new reality, when explained, sort of makes sense - at least it is not totally embarrassing as in most attempts at technobabble. No-one tries to break 128 bit encryption with a few keystrokes, which is basically all we ask of a pop-tech movie.

Other comments
Can be watched over and over.
One of the best stories in a movie in recent memory.
Expect many sequels.
Is reasonably long - 131 minutes.
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