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| Indiana
Jones and the Last Crusade |
Short plot
summary |
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Big budget, action packed, light hearted, familiar fest, partnering screen legends Sean Connery with Harrison Ford for one last snap of the Indiana Jones whip, as it were. In this movie we discover that Indiana was the dog's name, why Indiana (Junior) doesn't like snakes and how he got that scar. This time our hero is forced to go on a quest for the Holy Grail after his father, Professor Jones (Connery), is captured by the Nazis. Indie is befriended by a boobacious Nazi sent to entertain him (and his whip? - thank you!) so that those nasty Nazi's can get their grubby paws on the diary in which Professor Jones has written all of the details discovered in his lifetime's search for the Grail... Then the runnin', bikin' and the killin' starts... |
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What our
panel of critics thought |
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"I do love an action packed movie which utilizes that old money saving red-line-across-the-map movie technique symbolizing travel. It wafts me back to me childhood, for sure! That it saves the studio a packet of dough is simply accountancy benefiting from my sublime joy! Bravisimo!" "I have a rip roaring Nazi fetish and this movie has started something in my loins only the wildest depravity can tame! Damn you Indiana Jones!" "Never have I seen so many hats in all my life! Today's big screen heroes just can't wear hats, in my opinion. This movie makes me cry even as I write this, as it makes me remember how heroic a hat can make a man look." "Does everyone in this movie wear a hat? It's obscene!" "A load of old tosh, apart from that revolving stone door tosh which made up for a lot." |
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Studio executives summary / pitch
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| Classic Saturday matinee effort, part three: Man with whip and hat saves father from Nazi's who also wear hats. (Steven Speilberg is on a roll, it's more than my jobs worth to stop him.) |
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What
snack should I eat while watching this movie?
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| German Schnuckle Muckle. |
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Please
tell me the ending, or the whole plot if necessary |
| Only the righteous can find and drink holy water from the Grail, so all the unrighteous die in explosive-screamy special effects bedlam. During this melee, Professor Jones is shot, and only holy water from the Grail itself can save him! He is saved. Everyone rides into the sunset happily ever after, apart from those annoying Nazi's and their sneering sycophantic sidekicks. |
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Quotable
quotes (real) |
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Indie: "Are you crazy? Don't go between them!" Dumb Nazi Puddin: "Are you crazy go between them?" "He had no ticket!" "If you are Scottish Lord then I am Mickey Mouse." (Tag line) "Have the adventure of your lifetime keeping up with the Jones's." "Indiana: Let it go." |
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If
I were to watch this on video/DVD how best should I sit? |
| Drink from the ugliest mug or glass you have in the house. |
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Is
there enough licky love in this film?
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| A flat moment of pancake-passion, Steven Spielberg style: All lips and no tongues. |
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How funny is this film? |
| The Professor Jones character is quite endearing and amusing in an off his mind, cartoony, kind of way. The moment when he scares the birds with his umbrella to crash the plane is quite weird and wonderful the first time around. The 'No ticket' bit on the air ship is now part of movie history. Trouble is the movie relies on one joke: That we all know how heroic Indiana is, but his father doesn't. Was cool in its time, but you probably have to see the previous two movies in the right order to enjoy it like we did when it came out the first time. |
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Suggest
marketing tie-in products based on this movie |
| Hats: Big floppy hats. Nazi flat and pointy hats. Small bobble hats. Metal knights of the round table type hats. Manly heroic Indiana Jones rugged hats. Fezz's. Big white handkerchiefs belted around the head type 'towel-head' style hats. |
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Does this film stand up
to rigorous reality testing? |
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The selection of the Holy Grail at the end was pretty obvious, but the bad guy gets hit by that old 'aging really fast' special effect which made up for a lot. |
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Are
there enough snakes in this movie? |
| ...and rats ... and water. All of your primal fears are well catered for in this movie. |
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Would
the scary bits make your cat jump out of your lap causing scratch marks? Would
your dog like it? Other pets?
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| Dogs are in two minds about Sean Connery. On the one paw he looks like a walker, which is great, but he looks like he is a walker who likes to take a big heavy stick with him wherever he goes. Heavy stick walkers generally favor rocky and dangerous walks which can delay lunch. Cats will object to the one-and-a-half dimensional characters in this movie and could violently refuse to watch. Horses will nay happily when their like carry our heroes into the sunset at the end, forgetting that our heroes are, technically, riding Nazi horses which, to this day, are reviled in horsedom. |
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How much would you pay
for a copy of this movie in goods? |
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A
reject 99c drinking goblet (gold paint). |
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Would
this movie win awards for performances of the f-word? |
| No swearing whatsoever. |
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Other
comments |
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A visually spectacular, but never more than one and a half dimensional. The movie is colorful, but doesn't really have much of a heart, despite its good intentions. It never attempts to be anything other than comic book in styling. But audiences loved it which was why they made it. Should continue to be shown and released on the ever changing video formats well into the future. Interestingly, according to IMDB.com, this movie had a 16 certificate in Germany, but a PG in the UK/USA. |
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