Rome's finest General in falling out with upstart son of Emperor. Son becomes Emperor after killing his father, after father said Gladiator, Maximus, should inherit his throne. Revenge ping pong between these two proponents for rest of movie.

"The film started and I thought OhMyGod! Crowe talks as quietly as Eastwood, and is as tall as Cruise. How is this going to work, a whispering shorty commanding the Roman army? But thanks to good camerawork it sort of works. It's a blisteringly OK movie."

"This is the sort of film I thought they weren't doing anymore. Thanks to CGI, a grand world can now be created in which ordinary actors can ply their macho trade without any of the effort of doing it for real."

"A treasure trove of wonderful homoerotica: from glimpses of shirt-off sword fighting in the woods to a well muscled star with nicely trimmed beard. I had my hardest erection for years, a joy!"

"I passed out during the fight scenes they were so realistic. Or was it because that darn stage hypnotist had f-worded with my brain?"

"A good old fashioned romp in Gladiatorial Rome, except the star dies at the end. Hopefully this is the last new-man Roman epic - I want a star of a movie who does not die - I want someone bigger than life to hold my dreams like star dust in his hands. Don't those modern day film making children know anything? I want my money back and want it now."

"Crowe is a complete imbecile, he holds a sword like a girl." France Today.

"Crowe exhibits a veritable smorgasbord of rough edges and has muscled himself up to give a nicely defined performance. When I first heard of the computer graphic effects I thought, 'OH no, not another real action and cartoon special staring Daffy Duck'. But I was disappointed in exactly the right way. No Boing! on the screen anywhere during the fight scenes. Oh such a gloriously sweet disappointment! I enjoyed it more thanks to my be-champagned breath on my tongue which sang without care of being overheard across the road: 'Well done, oh God of movies, for giving me such a wonderful time.' Three hours of that and my ass became numb only in the last half hour. Not bad. Not bad at all."

"I do hope some of those head exploding scenes were computer graphics effects, otherwise I have just seen my first main stream snuff movie and that's no good at all."

Maximus , now a famous general, on way home to son and wife after winning war for old Emperor finds them dead and is arrested by Roman authorities.

He becomes a slave, gets bought by Gladiator pimp. Fights a couple of fights in the coliseum.

Realizes that being good Gladiator could get him face to face with new Emperor who he knows killed his son and wife, thus revenge.

Gets his chance, after it is discovered that the son of the Emperor's sister had Maximus's son. They have a sword fight in the coliseum and Gladiator loses.

"What we do in life echoes throughout eternity."

It is likely that this movie will encourage you to take out gym membership to build up your body to Roman Gladiator proportions. Avoid those heavily fatty foods you have stared eating recently. Remember: clenching your butt while watching this movie will pay off in dividends the first time you step onto that StairMaster next week.

Chippendales special edition

• Big muscled short haired one - Max
• Big muscled long blond haired one - Emperor I
• Big muscled very oily haired Italian stallion looking one - Emperor II
• Big muscled hairy one with ear ring - Gladiator trainer
• Big muscled long haired Latino looking one with small tattoo on upper left arm - Gladiator pimp

Standing in the classic champion body builder's pose: Tighten all those muscles for 3 full hours ... breathe in and... Huncccctttt...

Super special effects, although there are a couple of scenes in which it is obvious the director had run out of money, such as the time in which he got 20 people watching the gladiatorial combat waving their arms about, filming from behind. Must have saved thousands of pounds, that segment.

A couple of sinister incesty bits between brother and sister, nothing full frontal. Nice sexual tension between the sister of new Emperor and Max in a long time ago in a galaxy far far away kinda way.

• Gladiator gym memberships
• Gladiator peanuts
• Gladiator condoms
• Gladiator Barbecues
• 'Gladiator get in touch with your masculine side outdoors and howl like a wolf seminar and grill' (vouchers for movie Fight Club included)
• McDonald's Gladiator burgers
• Gladiator brush and toothpaste etc

Whole documentaries have been dedicated to discovering the overwhelming amount of bloopers still in this movie.

The most obvious (real) ones are:

1. Blue jeans on horse handler visible in forest during first battle sequence
2. Gas cylinders visible on chariot which overturns in one of the coliseum fight sequences.
3. Drinking glasses visible in one scene
4. As Max is lying dead from the fight, a small pillow made of sand is clearly visible under his head.

Some of the less noticed ones include:

A medium sized pooch runs into the arena to sniff Gladiators crotch in one of the fight scenes but was overlaid with a lion thanks to CGI techniques. However, the tail of the dog can still be seen wagging excitedly and Max's eyes look bulging as he was expecting to act to blue screen for this effect and had thus not protected his now violently be-nosed tackle.

Joan Rivers is clearly visible in the audience selling snacks - she was not born until 1675.

A poster 'vote Kennedy' is clearly visible on the back of a chariot.

The honest little guy always loses against the might of any corrupted establishment.

Just when we thought this sort of thing was too expensive to make anymore, computer graphics come along and make it possible.

Recently (2002) voted number 8 best movie of all time in tv viewers poll - it won't be there in thirty years...