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First Blood
Studio executives summary / pitch
Sylvestor Stallone plays a human rabbit, hunted by small town police authorities for being a 'pesky' army boy.
Short plot summary

John Rambo (Sylvestor Stallone) returns from Nam (in which he was tortured) to find a colleague, but he has died. The police (led by its sheriff, Brian Dennehy) take an interest in him and drive him out of town.

But our hero defies him and returns. He is tortured in a police cell whilst having Vietnam flashbacks but escapes.

The police hunt him down like a rabbit for the rest of the movie, but this rabbit has other ideas.

Please tell me about the sequels, but don't go on about them too long
Rambo: First Blood 2 Rambo is let out of US incarceration if he agrees to return to Vietnam to take some photos. The operation seems to start badly which encourages those back at base to abort the operation and really hamper our hero's chances of living. He survives, however, and goes back to base and shoots all of the equipment, although, disappointingly, missing any of the television sets which would have banged loudly. Rambo gets a girlfriend in this movie, but she is soon shot dead.
What our panel of critics thought

"So, that's how they treat war heroes with Congressional Medal's of Honor in America..."

"In this outing, Mr Stallone strips to his underpants only once in a shower scene we feel must have been edited for a TV audience in the version we saw."

"One of those movies in which the world is against the good little guy and the good little guy wins after much punching and running like the wind in vests and animal skins."

"A rabbit shoot, but this rabbit has the legendary athletic powers of Sylvestor to evade and punish his would be captors."

"A definitive muscly-loner in the outdoors movie."

"A movie with tall trees."

"A definitive macho action man movie."

"A good movie to have on the video when you are out with your hunting buddies and the weather conditions have deteriorated and you have gone back to base to wait for the conditions to improve and you are waiting for the sausages and other provisions in cans to cook."

"All I remembered about this movie was the sewing up the arm gash with a needle and thread. I think I passed out after that, or did I vomit, I can't remember now.

Please tell me the ending or plot details if necessary
Rambo survives; lots of police go round with bandages on their noses, a couple get killed. Rambo finally gives himself up to a superior officer after a surprisingly emotional outburst criticizing home coming Vietnam vets' treatment by the American media/public.
Quotable quotes

John Rambo talking to his superior towards end of movie. He has just been told it's all over:

"Nothing is over, nothing. You just don't turn it off. It wasn't my war..." "...I did what I had to do to win, but somebody wouldn't let us win. Then I come back to the world and I see all those magazines at the airport protesting me. Calling me baby killer and all sorts of vile crap. Who are they to protest me unless they've been me, been there, and know what the hell they are yelling about?"

What snack should I eat while watching this movie?
Any raw meat, straight off the bone.
If I were to watch this at home how best should I sit?

In the about to sew up your own arm with boot straps position.

What should I wear while watching this movie at home?

Bare chested with camouflage trousers, a bandana round the head and oversized fluffy house slippers with a cartoon animals head on.

Could this be made into a children's cartoon show?

Yes, remove the naked shower scene and it should be fine.

Could this movie be improved with more singing?
NO. Sylvestor Stallone attempted this once and seven music lovers took their own lives.
Is there enough licky love in this film?

None whatsoever. Consolation: A naked shower scene with power hose.

How funny is this film?
No laughs here, unless you are on drugs.
Does this film stand up to rigorous reality testing?

One misunderstood man versus the whole police department? Go figure.

Could you make out while watching this movie?

Yes. Why not make it a themed Rambo session? Or outdoors...

What can I take from this movie to make me a better person?

Never mess with John Rambo, you WILL go down.

Estimate number of deaths in this movie.

Uncertain, number of broken noses: about 10.

How much would you pay for a copy of this movie in goods.

A ten year old motorcycle (full tank of gas).

Would your cat enjoy this movie? Would your dog like it? Other pets?

Dogs are all signed up members of the Sylvestor Stallone appreciation society, and for the last 20 years have voted him the most popular human being to go walkies with.

Cats will sleep on their side, opening their eyes occasionally but otherwise pretending to be dead.

Birds larger than the average dog will cluck contentedly during the middle third of this movie.

Would this movie win awards for performances of the f-word?

No awards.

Does the film attempt technobabble? If so, does this succeed?
No, everyone is refreshingly stupid.
Other comments

Has that feel of Deliverance but without the classic 'squeal like a pig' episode, although threatening it throughout. Not a half bad movie if you are in the mood for it.

The ending, where Rambo justifies his actions, is very powerful stuff (see quote above)

Date of review

July 25 , 2002

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