Studio executives summary / pitch
|
| Ever
not been invited to a party that all your friends have been invited to and you
didn't know anything about it until that time you found out... No? Well then you
haven't found out about it yet then smartie chops!
|
Short plot
summary |
|
Tom Cruise (Dr
Bill) and Nicole Kidman play a married couple. In
a pot-smoking honesty session, she tells him that she once almost threw their
relationship away with a guy in uniform she saw once. He is then haunted by this
mental image. He toys with the idea of sexual experimentation. Bill meets a prostitute,
but does not sleep with her. A
piano player friend plays at a party, they arranged to meet for a drink. At the
same party Dr Bill saves the life of a woman who has slept with his friend (Victor
Ziegler). On
meeting his piano player friend, Bill discovers that his friend is to play blindfolded
at some kind of sex party. As they sit drinking the piano player receives the
password (Fidelio). Intrigued,
Bill persuades his friend to tell him where the party is. It is a cloak and mask
party... he gets the gear and goes... |
Rating |
| Adults
only. Contains moments of nudity, fast bouncy (and some machine-gun style) sex
off expensive furniture from a distance, and mask wearing sinisterness. |
Please tell me the ending
|
| Bill
uses the password to get into the party with no problems, but there is something
amiss. A woman (also masked) attempts to warn him of danger. He tours the grand
building and witnesses sex everywhere. He does not leave. She
warns him again, but he is confronted in a room in a court-type set up with everyone
wearing masks (some horror masks). He is asked for a second password. This he
does not know. He is unmasked, but is allowed to leave after the woman who warned
him offers to take his punishment. She
is later found dead. His piano player friend is clearly in trouble after telling
him about the party and password. Once again Bill is warned not to investigate
further.
Ziegler tells him that he knows everything. Bill is clearly worried now, especially,
when on returning to his house, the mask that he lost at the party ends up on
the pillow next to his wife. He confesses all and they both express their love
for 'f-wording' each other.
|
What our panel of critics thought |
|
"Rich colors
throughout, horrible be-masked incidents, superb writing, superb acting, a metaphor
so shocking it will send you straight to the anti-depression tablets. Nightmares
assured for the next 50 years. A triumph!" "Oh,
that everyone
is having depraved sex while I am not routine.
Ha ha ha. I have always been lying about the not
having the sex
bit to my friends anyway. I am a devil with two horns with the monster in my trouser!" "I
always thought masked cloaked balls only occurred in loud screechy operas, obviously
I am mistaken. The guy who kept banging that single note deserves a good kick
in the unmentionables, nonetheless." "A
final gasp from the master. What is he trying to tell us? He is trying to tell
us of society's deceits with regards to sex and what is really the truth about
anything. No wonder he died soon after, the old boy must have been exhausted." "So,
in this complex movie metaphor am I the guy behind the mask, the Tom Cruise character,
or the naked woman who gets her brains f-worded out? Shit?" "A
surprisingly dated view of women, Dr Bill." "Why
is the piano player blindfolded when everyone is wearing masks? It makes no sense
at all. Is this metaphor overload? (The entertainer is never the entertained?)" "More
tits than a porn movie but just as much jumping up and down. A joy!" "How
did she recognize him at the masked ball? Was it his height that gave him away?
The only 5ft3 shorty there? There could have been no other way!" "Get
this heterosexual shit off our screens. It is perverted." |
Justify
this movie's existence in the classic strand. From
theVoiceof Reason.com's Veritable Cornucopia
|
| As
my readers throughout the world would expect, I came to this movie wanting to
hate every f-word-filled crevice of such a bastard-movie that finished off movie
legend Stanley Kubrick. However,
I could not hate it. Stanley, the genius, pulled me in by my testicles and kept
a firm, athletic grip until the very last scene. A mesmerisingly shockingly important
movie; a movie made more profound by the knowledge that soon after he 'kicked
the bucket'. Is this Stanley giving one last raspberry to society's lies and sexual
deceits? Me thinks so.
Has not everyone fallen passionately in love with the stranger as we pass through
the uncertainties of our lives? That quick glance while walking up the escalators
of our existence? The
movie is a sumptuous masked metaphor of society's exterior crustiness whilst behind
the scenes it is bonking like bunny rabbits on heat. A triumphant movie filled
with the spirit of a great director. One that will be missed forever and a day. |
Quotable quotes (real) |
|
"You're
very sure of yourself aren't you?" |
What snack should I eat while watching this movie? |
|
Cappuccino
and up to seven phallic shaped cookies (DO NOT DUNK - crunch decisively in an
up and down motion.). |
If I were to watch this at home how best should I sit? |
| Hold,
firmly, a favorite teddy bear or fluffy comfort animal from childhood. |
Could this movie be improved with more special effects? |
| A
few more explosions would have helped this movie, it is very wordy at times. A
couple of UFO's would also have added a bit of respite during the second cappuccino
drinking scene. |
How philosophical is this film? |
|
Oh, babe. Where
to start? 1)
You can think you know someone (married for 9 years) but do you really? 2)
Chinese: Save a life, give that life to the person who saved you. 3)
You don't have to know someone to love them totally and passionately. 4)
You can never beat 'the system.' 5)
Never take your mask off at a mask party unless everyone else take theirs off
too. |
Would
your pets enjoy this movie?
|
| This
is a bunny rabbit movie through and through. Rabbits have been having sex like
this for years and will be interested to see how humans do it. However, they could
be disappointed: In extreme cases they could either become overly passionate with
a cushion or suffer uncontrollable giggles (a giggling rabbit is dangerous as
it could very well spit out regurgitated pellets - BEWARE!). Dogs
will be disappointed by the lack of penises in the movie. Cats
could spend most of this movie learning to hop on one leg. |
What can I take from this movie to make me a better person? |
| Never
believe anyone else, always assume they are plotting against you and, worse still,
are enjoying outrageous sex at expensive parties behind your back. |
Estimate number of minutes of full on full frontal nudity in this movie. |
| 15
minutes (+10 minutes including full see through nudity, +10 minutes wearing G-strings) |
How much would you pay for a copy of this movie in goods? |
| A
matching mask, cloak and vibrator set. |
Does this movie attempt overly complex kissing scenes? If so does it succeed. |
| The
danger of 'facial cheek prod' is never really investigated in this movie. (Thankfully
Richard Gere and Kim Bassinger were not asked to appear.) There
are moments of porn at a distance, however. Thankfully, there are never any erect
cocks to make the censors fall over; vagina lovers are well catered for. Nicole
Kidman performs well in a slow motion black and white love scene with a man in
uniform. |
Would this movie win awards for performances of the f-word? |
| Rarely
does a movie end with the word f-word in a department store in front of
a 7 year old (which this movie does.) Stunningly superb, but certainly not for
the under 10's. |
Other comments |
| A
memorable movie, made more intriguing by the cataclysmic marriage breakdown between
Cruise and Kidman shortly after this movie ended, and, of course, the death of
director Stanley Kubrick. He will be achingly missed. |
Date of review |
|
October 17 ,
2002 |