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Braveheart (1995)
Short plot summary

Mel Gibson plays William Wallace, an iconic Scottish warrior. William Wallace is a real person, although how accurate this movie is is unknowable. Never mind - he hates the English and that's all that matters in this outing, he also invades England too... that doesn't happen often...

We saw this on the big screen and thought it was brilliant, we saw it on TV for this review and wasn't as impressed. You really need the big screen to fully appreciate the enormity of the battle scenes, and of course the scenery, but more of that later...

If you are 'in to' blood and grunting in leathers you will not be disappointed.

What our panel of critics thought

"One of those great pro-Scottish movies, or, more to the point, anti-English."

"There are more Aarrrgghhhsss! in this movie than any other movie I can remember seeing ever before. And beards too, loads of beards in fact. Is there a link between the two?"

"Mostly shot in Ireland, I am told. When I heard this it totally ruined everything for me."

"Those kilts are like skirts, as light and comfy as anything Marilyn Monroe would wear. It's a bleeding disgrace. Give me thick greasy-woollen kilts or give me death (or at least a nasty chill in me bits'n'bobs)."

"I am English and if there is a more whingey nation than Scotland then I don't want to know about it. One mention that we won the World Cup in 1966 and the Scottish are whining. Wallace was the last time they got one over on us... and that was in 1314..."

Spoof tag line

There is nothing more terrifying than when anger wears a sporran...

Please tell me the ending or plot overview if necessary

Wallace has his head chopped off (or at least he drops a handkerchief).

Wallace dies after a public torture session which sees our hero being hung and then stretched. You can almost hear an entire nation shouting "Bloody English Bastards!" as his spine pings vertebrae and the crowd roars.

Justify this movie's existence in the classic strand from theVoiceofReason.com's very English Veritable Cornucopia

A movie of emotion and action and loads of haranguing in a way only the Scottish can do to the English. The scene in which the Scots raise their kilts and slap their bottoms in unison pretty much sums up 800 years of history between the two countries... and is as relevant today as it was way back then... go on, try it - put on an English accent and go drinking in Glasgow one night...

The actual detail of this movie is disputed, as indeed is everything about Wallace, however the movie is a great actioner and it pulls you in.... I actually saw this at the cinema when it came out and was transfixed. On the small screen it looses the magnificence of the battle scenes.

Apparently is was mostly filmed in Ireland, not Scotland, so if you have that strange feeling that something's not quite right then that may explain it.

A superb achievement, a bit too long, and not something I would want to own on DVD, but then it takes all sorts.

Quotable quotes (mostly real)

Raise kilts: "Slap slap slap slap slap slap!"

"Hhhuu eerhhh argh a aa aaaa aa a ..."

"I'm dying."

Not heard (shame): "You can take away our kilts, but you can never take away our freedom!"

What snack should I eat while watching this movie?

All the obvious Scottish stuff. Probably best to avoid blue face paint while eating as it invariably gets into the eyes and mouth (it (the paint) tastes awful and you really need good eyesight to check for bones and teeth in authentic Scottish cooking of this time, oh and the food tastes awful too).

Should I attempt the stunts in this movie in my own back yard?

Why not join a local 1300's Scottish battles club and scare the willies out of old people? Could be fun!

Torture fetishists will also enjoy re-enacting the final hanging and torture scenes when Wallace is finally 'done-in' by the English.

I ate haggis once, would I like this film?

Yes. In fact this movie is second only to eating Haggis for that essential Scottish experience. Forget the Loch Ness Monster, and Scrooge McDuck, this is the real thing. After watching this movie you will know why the Scots still hate the English.

Are there any famous, croaky, last words screamed in this movie?

Oh yes...

"FREE--DOM-!"

Other comments

Probably a favourite amongst the Scots. It's a gritty movie with very impressive battle scenes. Nobody actually knows much about William Wallace so most of this movie is probably fiction - or they might, by some fluke of luck, have accurately portrayed him... stranger things have happened.

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