Welcome to Lumberton, a nice'n'homely town... but wait... look underneath and they're all a bunch of sadomasochists who slap each other about behind the scenes... Welcome to David Lynchville...

Boy (Jeffrey Beaumont - Kyle MacLachlan) finds ear. Boy meets daughter (Sandy Williams - Laura Dern) of police officer investigating the ear. Boy breaks in to apartment of Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini) claiming to be bug sprayer.

Sandy seems to be falling for our hero. But will he survive, with his willy intact, to the end credits...?

"David Lynch never misses any attempt to shock, although thankfully the whoopee cushion is missing."

"I couldn't watch parts of this movie, but to watch it on fast forward was also too terrifying for words."

"It's 'It's a wonderful life' mixed with hard rogering porn."

"Thank goodness David Lynch used the song Blue Velvet, and not the ditty 'My tits are all horribly deformed!'"

Jeffrey Beaumont hides in the closet while at Dorothy Vallens' apartment. Here he witnesses a violent sex session with her and Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper).

He becomes obsessed with her and enters the underworld she inhabits to learn more. She is falling for him, but she is crayzee... During one 'meeting' Frank comes back and takes them on a journey into depravity...

Jeffrey gets a hard beating and goes back to tell the police officer of what he has found out... He goes back to the apartment to find that Frank has shot everyone artistically. Jeffrey shoots Booth from inside the closet.

It all ends in bright sunshine ever after

On the one hand, I can appreciate what David Lynch is saying - watch out for the hidden violence inherent in suburbia. But did he really have to say it like this? The movie is peppered with scenes that even to this day I have to leave the room to 'watch' - DON'T EVEN THINK OF FAST FORWARDING, IT'LL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!

I upset three glasses of sherry on my last viewing!

It is often said that much of TV and film is too positive. The reason for that is that people want to watch positive things. We want to feel happy, perchance to sing! This movie offers few opportunities for us to break into song, in spite of a perfectly excellent soundtrack.

Using sexual sadomasochism and other extremely disturbing scenes we, at times, feel as if we are approaching Texas Chain Saw Massacre levels of insanity, only to be reawoken in an It's a Wonderful Life world. Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut has a similar sub text.

If you liked Twin Peaks (another David Lynch piece) give this movie a go, although prepare to be shocked.

"Baby wants to f-word mummy - sssttcchhhhh-fewwww."

"Come to my bedroom."

'Damn fine' Cherry pie (as a tribute to MacLachlin's triumphant character in Twin Peaks).

In the in-closet need to take a pee position...

No more weird sex THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

In this movie we have a man who uses an oxygen mask to heighten his sexual feelings, plays the part of a baby who wants to f-word his mum and then beats his sex partner up, all while being watched from the closet by our young hero... this movie should come with a free counseling session.

Obvious: If a place looks all pleasant and peachy it is probably a sexual slap fest behind the scenes - try not to hide in anyone's closet...

Less obvious: Don't go out into the world looking to find the truth unless you are prepared to find it...

Rabbits are fans of Dennis Hopper, especially in movies in which he has sex. Laugh when your rabbit turns on his back to see what the picture looks like upside down during the sadomasochistic sex scenes.

Dogs will bark throughout, especially during the oxygen mask scene.

Cats do not like human nakedness in any form, as it looks like a sheep looks to us just after it has just been sheered - painful.

Learn to stand all quiet for 3 hours (as if dead) in the closet to watch people having sex. OK, it's totally freakin weird, but think of all the money you will save on porn.

An oxygen face-mask and cylinder set.

Never heard of a Blue Velvet sex party, have you? If we had we would run, naked, for the hills.

F-wordin A!

This movie is both very light and very dark. It is extremely hard to watch in places, or is it supposed to be funny? Dennis Hopper is perfectly cast. (We hope that statement isn't libelous.)

Not a pleasant movie, an uneasy one, but undoubtedly influential. Definitely not one for the whole family.

A truly adult, non-mainstream, movie. Enjoy. You won't forget it in a hurry.

May 14, 2003