Celebrity Funny Horoscopes
From the same web site that brings you monthly funny horoscopes... what the future has in store for you favorite celebs... Exclusively vague, guaranteed for life...
 
Celebrity Horoscope for... Arnold Schwarzenegger (July 30, 1947)
Arnold Schwarzenegger{Picture}
Leo: Born Graz, Austria

You are both the most practical person in the world and the most impractical person, it all depends on the position of the planets at the time. Does that make any sense at all? It seems all just plain whizzy to us and we are writing it! It is unusual for a person to be as influenced by the stars as yourself - try not to do anything while Mercury conjuncts with Mars in an upward, downwards or sideways plain.

Your attention can sometimes wander in meetings. In fact, sometimes you think you come from another planet: this is perfectly normal for a man with as many muscles as yourself. Try using a harmonica to your advantage, and avoid watching your movies. Train yourself to do important things without thinking too much about the consequences. You have a tendency to forget the mundane. As long as stability alludes you you will feel fulfilled and alive.

Fill your working environment with plants and small gnawing mammals that chuckle. Your home will not be complete without aqua colored stuff, purple breakables and wicker. Welcome the 'girly man' interior decorator into your life!

Since you became governor, staff constantly try to make you say "I'll be back" ("Arnold you are coming back aren't you?", "You sure you'll be back here in two minutes, it's important?" and "Do you want to be the front or the back end of the circus horse?") - the stars suggest that you are doomed to this. Eat more fun foods such as burgers, sausages, fatty pork chops and sweet treacle or toffee puddings with delicious creamy sauces. Treat yourself to regular professional wrestles. Walk around in your bare feet between offices.

You like to not look stupid. Normally, you're somewhat cautious, shy and reserved. Under stress you can get very cold and businesslike, almost German-like in fact. This is because Austrians and Germans are very similar and generally prefer paper cuts to smiling, although Mercury may have something to do with it too.

Prediction: You will never ever ever be President of the United States of America.

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