July 16, 2012
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Bank Sink

Banker Obituary: Francois Petite-Framage Viscoutuit

Banker Abrupt

Obituary: Francois Petit-Framage Viscoutuit IV, CEO of Le Banc Derivitees, Paris, has been found dead in his $78mn luxury villa in Nice. Police say they are treating the death as extraordinary.

Viscoutuit, 43, came to international acclaim in banking and hedge fund arbitrage circles when he made a fortune from shorting Enron stocks in 1999.

He then multiplied his fortune many times over by successfully reinvesting the proceeds in commodities futures, pushing staple foods such as corn, rice and sugar out of the financial reach of impoverished third world countries to levels that inevitably lead to mass starvation and death.

Francois was a keen exotic fish collector and it is believed that, during an evening swim, somehow his prized school of pet piranhas found their way into the pool in which he was swimming.

The chloroform in the swimming pool water is believed to have made the fish go completely berserk and they went on a human ripping flesh-off-bones frenzy that lasted about 55 minutes - Francois' violent screaming lasted over 45 minutes as the fish gradually became drowsy and could only open and close their little mouths slowly after the first 10 minutes.

Blood at the side of the pool indicates that he tried desperately to pull himself out of the pool a number of times only to be pulled back in by the rampant fishies.

Police say all that was left of the banker was removed by one of those net-on-a-stick thingies a pool boy uses to take out leaves from a pool.

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