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Jan 20, 2011
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Secret Service Protocols On Losing President Hu During Visit Appear on Wikileaks

Wiki Worry

The White House, Washington DC: Security protocols that the Secret Service have been trained to follow in the event of President Hu being lost during his stay have been published on the internet.

They are reprinted in part here.

State Visit of President Hu of China, 18th-21st January 2011

Overview: The aim of this protocol is to avoid the potential Abbott and Costello cycle of reporting the loss of president Hu. (Such as "We've lost Hu!", "Who have you lost?" "Yes that's right." "Yes I heard what you said who have you lost?" "Sir, Yes sir, that's right sir" etc. etc.) This confusion could potentially lose us valuable time in any crisis and can be avoided by strictly following the protocol in this document for the length of his stay.

If President Hu of China goes missing you should report the following to your senior officer:

"Sir, President Hu, the Chinese president is missing."

You will receive the reply:

"Thank you. Message received. President Hu of China is missing."

If President Obama goes missing you report it thus (as per standard procedure):

"Sir, Mr President is missing."

Your senior officer will reply,

"Thank you, message received. President Obama is missing."

If President Obama goes missing but you have secured President Hu of China it will be OK just this once to say,

"Sir, Mr President is missing, but Hu is with me."

If both presidents go missing at the same time the procedure will be:

"Sir, Mr President and Hu are missing."

Now, so far so good. But as luck would have it President Hu has brought with him two aides we must know the whereabouts of at all times.

Their names are Mr Where and Ms I Don't Know. (It is possible that the Chinese delegation has an Abbott and Costello fan and is screwing with us here. Could be mind warfare, could be coincidence, the president doesn't want to make a big thing about it, so we'll have to deal with it. More unfortunately is that we ourselves have aides with the same names. Remember, time will be of the essence so it really is necessary that we abbreviate but still remain clear what we are saying to each other.

So, if the Chinese Mr Where goes missing you report it thus:

"Sir, Hu's Where is missing."

If US Secretary of State Mr Where goes missing report it:

"Sir, our Where's missing."

If the Chinese Ms I Don't Know goes missing you report it thus:

"Sir, Hu's I Don't Know is missing."

If the US equivalent then its:

"Sir, our I Don't Know is missing."

And in each case your reporting officer will know what you are talking about.

Hopefully this clarifies what could otherwise be confusing for everyone.

Thank you for your attention.

General First

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