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Dec 1, 2010

Satire/Spoofs
Archive+ Funny Horoscopes + Movie Reviews + Thought of the day + UK

The owner of Wikileaks, Julian Assange, has been beset by a string of misfortunes and minor accidents following the recent release of almost 260,000 embarrassing cables from US diplomats across the globe, according to our Swedish sources.

Last Friday first thing, Assange's comb got stuck in his hair which made him scream. Later his toothpaste tube popped with an air bubble which exploded paste into his hair, eyes and eyebrows. Then he dropped his toothbrush down the unflushed toilet and didn't have a replacement, washed it as best he could but it still tasted funny.

Julian Assange: Picture taken during an earlier, happier, bad hair day

Saturday When trying to shave off his no-shave-November beard Assange nicked his chin and had to use five sheets of toilet paper on it over a thirty minute period until it stopped bleeding. Then the hairdryer in his secret hotel room didn't work.

Sunday Assange dropped a gravy covered potato on a new white t-shirt during lunch - it looked like a gravy swoosh.

Monday Assange stubbed his toe on the bed and burnt some toast when his toaster incredibly burnt the bread on setting 3. Later, when cooking a pizza, he accidentally knocked a switch that started a hot plate on the oven, he then accidentally placed his palm down on the hotplate, slipped backwards in pain, fell heavily on his back, then a friend, hearing the commotion inside, slam-opened a door which hit him hard in the head giving him a concussion. Assange was eventually helped up and sat in an armchair with a nice hot cup of tea, which broke, scolding his legs.