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Jim Meedsden, Circus Bank |
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"I got my bonus for using government bailout money to buy up bank shares at their lowest point and then sold them when they rebounded. If they hadn't rebounded then I would have had to go back to the government to get some more money. As it turned out they went up whoppingly and I made a fortune. Who wants to touch me?"
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Burt
Sprinkler, Radio Talk Show Bank |
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"I used government bailout money given to my bank at 0% interest to make loans at 16.98%. I made an absolute fortune. It's a great business to be in. I highly recommend it."
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John
Tharsden, Bodybuilder Bank |
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"I got my bonus after I put my government bailout money (earmarked for urban regeneration) into a cats and dogs strangulation company. The idea was simple: start off by forcibly strangling all the stray cats and dogs in the neighborhood to save them eating food in garbage cans so that poor people are free to eat it instead. The next phase is to strangle all household pets."
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Benjamin
Rusky, Organic Farmer Bank |
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"I took my 0% interest, ten billion dollars worth of government bailout money and put it in a deposit account with another bank and made 4%!! Hazzza? I deserve a million dollar bonus for just thinking that one up!"
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Murray
Baldicoot, Sick Banker |
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"I was off sick for 9 months of last year, but when I came back my team had made a fortune somehow. I honestly don't know how I did it, I'm just lucky I suppose."
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