Dec 29, 2009
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Underpants Security Update

Emergency Airline Security Changes Announced Following Attempted Underpants Bombing

Underpants Advisory


The airline industry takes all threats to our passengers and crew safety seriously and in this regard we today announce a set of measures which will help prevent an exact repeat of the near catastrophe on Northwest Airlines flight 253, Christmas Day.

From this day forth the following changes to the standard in-flight safety procedures will be enforced in all flights into the United States of America.

1) No passenger will be allowed to go to the toilet in the last hour of the flight. (Toilet doors to be closed and locked to prevent passengers near the toilets attempting to pee into the rest room from their seats.)

2) At all times before the last hour of the flight, if a passenger is in the rest room for more than 5 minutes security will break down the door and physically return them to their seat.

3) No passenger is to be allowed to fizz or bang even if they have eaten in-flight food.

4) All passengers must remove their outer garments and sit in their underpants for the last hour and five minutes of the flight.

5) All lights and cabin heating to be switched off for the last hour of the flight so that and sparks, sizzling sounds and fire from passengers can be quickly seen.

6) Pork sausages to be removed from all menus as there is a danger that the smell could be confused with the smell of roasting testicles.

7) Security officers employed in Schiphol Airport are to reduce their lunch breaks from 7 hours a day to 6 hours with immediate effect.

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