theVoiceofReason.com
Nov 16, 2009
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Oh to be 16 again...
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What Would You Say In A Letter To A 16 Year Old You?

Time Travel Hijinx

Elton John has organized a book filled with famous people sending letters to their 16 year-old selves as a fundraising venture for his charity

But what would our panel of ne'er-do-wells, who never did nothing, write?

Concerned Citizen
Harry Meedsden, Circus Artist

"Dear 16 year old Harry. When your parents told you to eat all your greens they of course didn't mean, as you very well know, that thirteen month out-of-date deli meat you will eat as a dare on your 17th birthday, is a really bad idea. When you vomit, tie your long hippie hair behind your head because no matter how many times you wash it it will smell funny for the next month or so. And don't vomit on the dog again."

   
Shocked Man
Jerry Sprinkler, Radio Talk Show Host

"Dear 16 year old me. When you start your office job, take up smoking (don't inhale). The interesting ones all go outside to smoke (get this: the passive smoke actually kills people sitting next to you in the office!) and this will give you valuable inside information that you can use to your advantage for advancement into management in your thirties."

   
Muscleman
Hug Tharsden, Bodybuilder

"Professional wrestling is fixed.

Your physics multiple choice exam answers are: 1 A, 2 D, 3 B, 4 A ..."

   
Old Gipper
Gramps Rusky, Organic Farmer

"The Cuban Missile crisis didn't lead to the end of the world, Ronald Regan (yes the actor!) will become president of the USA and set in motion the peaceful end of the cold war, middle eastern terrorists will bomb New York with passenger planes and blow up two tall buildings that haven't even been built yet, and the entire world's economic system will almost come to an end in 2008 because of the stupidity of the banks. Who'da'thought it? But for Gawd's sake don't tell anyone this because they will think you are an old fool and will mercilessly pummel you for being a bringer of bad luck and make you live by yourself in the desert in a shack. Gawd darnit."

   
Ape Man
Harry Baldicoot, Retired retirement consultant

"Don't waste 20 years of your life learning Russian, their empire will collapse spectacularly in the 1980's. The jury is still out on China but it's looking good so far."

 

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