| 1.
Home (Gross $14) |
| 1
hour 27 minutes of potting about the house, a bit of
dusting, vacuuming.... Just like Home Alone, but the
person in the house is an adult and is happily single
and there aren't any criminals trying to get in. (Question:
How many people is $14 gross? 2?) |
| 2.
Alien Trespass (Gross $75) |
| Starring
one of the gay guys from Will and Grace who's not actually
gay in real life: Aliens are shown the DO
NOT TRESPASS sign and then watched with sternly
furrowed brows to make sure they don't step where they
shouldn't. 1 hr and 28 minutes of Keep Off The Grass-ness.. |
| 3.
In A Dream (Gross $88) |
| Who
made Jackson Pollack's paint? We all know he used bicycles
to do his 'paintings', and sometimes just rolled over
the canvas naked, but where did the actual paint come
from? Was the paint made by surrealist inspired Jack
Macunahey from Iowa? or was it made down the local Dulux
paint shop? This documentary speculates. |
| 4.
The Great Buck Howard (Gross
$176) |
| Not
to be confused with the entertaining porn movie with
a similar name, this movie apparently stars John Malkovich
and Tom Hanks. Bucking Hell. |
| 5.
Tru Loved (Gross $200) |
| Yes
folks, the title says it all: they've lost the letter
e and spend 1 hour and 39 minutes looking for it... |
| 6.
Battle For Terra (Gross $207
- but in fairness it has grossed $1.6mn to date) |
| Explosions
and muscly-man cartoonery with varying degrees of machismo
are guaranteed in this sci fi cartoon. |
| 7.
Tokyo Sonata (Gross $222) |
| A
Tokyo family sit around a table banging and clinking
bottles and cans and squeezing squeezy ketchup bottles
and spoons in a performance of Jai Ich Zachicechi's
sonata F. One minute less than 2 whole hours of condiment
orchestration. |
| 8.
Ballerina (Gross $244) |
| Debby
Grayhorn is a ballerina from the north of England who
wants to become a boxer. In an almost exact reverse
of the Billy Elliot story we watch in horror as she
gets all duffed up, poor little dear. |
| 9.
Examined Life (Gross $380) |
| Just
imagine going to the doctors for your bi annual medical
but it's on the big screen and lasts almost 1 and a
half hours - that's this movie that is. |
| 10.
Ciao (Gross $382) |
| Where
is the line between 'can't be assed to shave', and 'manly
gay stubble'? You are about to find out when two men
of uneven hairiness fall in love and then presumably
have to say good-bye at some point. Or is 'Ciao' Italian
for hello? Dunno. Running time 1 hr 27 minutes, leave
another half an hour for crying hysterically afterwards. |
