theVoiceofReason.com
Jun 9, 2009
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What Were Last Weekend's Lowest Grossing Films?

Top gross in our list was $382, the lowest was $14

One of our favorite websites, boxofficemojo.com, published the rankings of 113 movies and their grosses over the weekend [here].

As we never get to the cinema we can only speculate on what these presumably monumentally unprofitable movies are about...

Without watching any of them, this is what we came up with...

1. Home (Gross $14)
1 hour 27 minutes of potting about the house, a bit of dusting, vacuuming.... Just like Home Alone, but the person in the house is an adult and is happily single and there aren't any criminals trying to get in. (Question: How many people is $14 gross? 2?)
2. Alien Trespass (Gross $75)
Starring one of the gay guys from Will and Grace who's not actually gay in real life: Aliens are shown the DO NOT TRESPASS sign and then watched with sternly furrowed brows to make sure they don't step where they shouldn't. 1 hr and 28 minutes of Keep Off The Grass-ness..
3. In A Dream (Gross $88)
Who made Jackson Pollack's paint? We all know he used bicycles to do his 'paintings', and sometimes just rolled over the canvas naked, but where did the actual paint come from? Was the paint made by surrealist inspired Jack Macunahey from Iowa? or was it made down the local Dulux paint shop? This documentary speculates.
4. The Great Buck Howard (Gross $176)
Not to be confused with the entertaining porn movie with a similar name, this movie apparently stars John Malkovich and Tom Hanks. Bucking Hell.
5. Tru Loved (Gross $200)
Yes folks, the title says it all: they've lost the letter e and spend 1 hour and 39 minutes looking for it...
6. Battle For Terra (Gross $207 - but in fairness it has grossed $1.6mn to date)
Explosions and muscly-man cartoonery with varying degrees of machismo are guaranteed in this sci fi cartoon.
7. Tokyo Sonata (Gross $222)
A Tokyo family sit around a table banging and clinking bottles and cans and squeezing squeezy ketchup bottles and spoons in a performance of Jai Ich Zachicechi's sonata F. One minute less than 2 whole hours of condiment orchestration.
8. Ballerina (Gross $244)
Debby Grayhorn is a ballerina from the north of England who wants to become a boxer. In an almost exact reverse of the Billy Elliot story we watch in horror as she gets all duffed up, poor little dear.
9. Examined Life (Gross $380)
Just imagine going to the doctors for your bi annual medical but it's on the big screen and lasts almost 1 and a half hours - that's this movie that is.
10. Ciao (Gross $382)
Where is the line between 'can't be assed to shave', and 'manly gay stubble'? You are about to find out when two men of uneven hairiness fall in love and then presumably have to say good-bye at some point. Or is 'Ciao' Italian for hello? Dunno. Running time 1 hr 27 minutes, leave another half an hour for crying hysterically afterwards.

Our reviews of more popular movies are here.

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