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What Shape Is This Recession? Our Experts
Explain
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Recession Question
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Economists
describe the shape of a recession based on the GDP growth
(or fall) plotted on a time graph. So, for instance, a V shaped
recession means growth sharply falls to a point, and then
quickly rebounds. A U shaped recession means growth goes down
sharply and the bottom of the recession is longer than a V
but growth eventually goes up again. A W shaped recession
can mean it goes down, starts to recover and just when it
looks like it's rebounding it goes down again... And so on...
So,
what is it we've got today? And is it so bad that letters
are no longer good enough to explain the mess we're in?
Our panel of experts have been wracking their little ole
brains...
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Harry
Meedsden, Circus Artist
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"This
recession is Niagara Falls during the most violent
earthquake known to man, shaped. Down all the way,
sploshing everywhere and everything in its wake,
like a King Kong sized shower but with no cubicle
around the outside. The water, or the economy in
this analogy, falls all the way down to the bottom
and then it runs sideways carrying with it everything
that fell over the top...
Whatever you do don't bend down to pick up the soap..."
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Jerry
Sprinkler, Radio Talk Show Host
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"This
recession is going to be an out of town factory
outlet warehouse of baths, shaped. Down, long pause,
up, down long pause up again and so on until you
get to the back wall of the store, which will be
sometimes around 2056."
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Hug
Tharsden, Bodybuilder
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"The
recession will be ice sculpture shaped. Up and down
and in and out and sometimes melting if it gets
under too much pressure particularly if the pressure
is around the beak of a ice sculpture of a pelican
or some such. Politicians with cold hands will be
in great demand around 2033."
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Gramps
Rusky, Organic Farmer
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"The
first part of the recession will be L shaped then
U shaped then L again and then a U shape to spell
the word LULU. In my considered expert opinion this
will be a LULU recession."
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Harry
Baldicoot, Retired retirement consultant
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"The
shape of this recession is still to be invented.
Think string theory, quantum mechanics on speed
and the Smurfs, all in one. Then imagine the musical
you could make out of that mess. That's the mess
we're all in. Love it. Told you all so... Did you
listen? Even Susan Boyle can't save us now..."
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