Apr 26, 2009
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ The Great Recession

What Shape Is This Recession? Our Experts Explain

Recession Question
Economists describe the shape of a recession based on the GDP growth (or fall) plotted on a time graph. So, for instance, a V shaped recession means growth sharply falls to a point, and then quickly rebounds. A U shaped recession means growth goes down sharply and the bottom of the recession is longer than a V but growth eventually goes up again. A W shaped recession can mean it goes down, starts to recover and just when it looks like it's rebounding it goes down again... And so on...

So, what is it we've got today? And is it so bad that letters are no longer good enough to explain the mess we're in? Our panel of experts have been wracking their little ole brains...

Harry Meedsden, Circus Artist

"This recession is Niagara Falls during the most violent earthquake known to man, shaped. Down all the way, sploshing everywhere and everything in its wake, like a King Kong sized shower but with no cubicle around the outside. The water, or the economy in this analogy, falls all the way down to the bottom and then it runs sideways carrying with it everything that fell over the top... Whatever you do don't bend down to pick up the soap..."

Jerry Sprinkler, Radio Talk Show Host

"This recession is going to be an out of town factory outlet warehouse of baths, shaped. Down, long pause, up, down long pause up again and so on until you get to the back wall of the store, which will be sometimes around 2056."

Hug Tharsden, Bodybuilder

"The recession will be ice sculpture shaped. Up and down and in and out and sometimes melting if it gets under too much pressure particularly if the pressure is around the beak of a ice sculpture of a pelican or some such. Politicians with cold hands will be in great demand around 2033."

Gramps Rusky, Organic Farmer

"The first part of the recession will be L shaped then U shaped then L again and then a U shape to spell the word LULU. In my considered expert opinion this will be a LULU recession."

Harry Baldicoot, Retired retirement consultant

"The shape of this recession is still to be invented. Think string theory, quantum mechanics on speed and the Smurfs, all in one. Then imagine the musical you could make out of that mess. That's the mess we're all in. Love it. Told you all so... Did you listen? Even Susan Boyle can't save us now..."

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