April 20, 2009
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Bank Skank

Bankageddon 2009: Bank Stress Test Results Leaked!

World Exclusive Scandal has been sent a confidential copy of the stress test results of the world's biggest banks, carried out for the US Treasury and Federal Reserve.

It reveals a staggering amount of stress amongst the world's largest banks:


JPMorgan Chase: Highly, to very highly, stressed. Can't think straight any more. Has to drink with straw in glass standing on a table as hands shake too violently.

Goldman Sachs: Was quite sanguine until it discovered what a derivative was, now 'utterly, devastatingly, stressed'. Hair starting to fall out in handfuls.

HSBC America: Shockingly, to hysterically, stressed. Drinks up to 27 cups of coffee a day. Stutters when trying to say the word 'derivative' or 'CDO' (trying to say both terms together can take over 17 minutes).

Bank America: 'Stressed in the upper quartile.' A number of desks have been removed from offices with fingernail scratches, indentations which could be that of heads banged down violently and at length, and blood stains. Plastic cups only allowed in restaurant and in in-bank bars. All corporate swimming pools emptied in case of suicide attempts.

Citibank: Now suffers from 'violently windy' crippling nervous indigestion especially after dinner and in bed later.


The real thing may be here.

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