Mar 5, 2009

Satire/Spoofs
Archive+ Funny Horoscopes + Movie Reviews + Thought of the day + UK

A 67 year old grandmother from Hull, England, has been admitted to hospital after claiming that she is unable to stop underarm farting, according to an email we received this morning from Nigeria.

Professional Afghan underarm farter, Jerry Sprinkler, performing his No 1 Hit 'Springtime In the Bathroom' (YouTube)

Betty Schnitzel says she first discovered underarm farting when one of her grandchildren was playing in the garden and after trying it out for herself found she was unable to stop.

A doctor at the hospital in Hull says his first course of action will be to try to get the patient to do other things with her hands, such as baking cakes, knitting or macramé.

A better looking doctor told us:

"She is at risk of severe arthritis, but on the positive side her armpit is built like a 25 year old bodybuilder, although on the negative side her hand is shrivelled up like the hand of a leper jammed in a revolving door for over 37 minutes."

578 people across the world suffer from Involuntary Underarm Fartitis, according to a recent survey in Extreme Medical Conditions In Tabloid Newspapers.

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Apology: We have been asked to apologise after our article last week implied that Cyril the Squirrel, one of the attractions at New York Central Zoo, had been diagnosed with arthritis of the anus. We are happy to clarify that we were completely wrong and made the story up.

Correction: In our article George W Bush: The First 55,000 Mistakes the picture of a scorpion should of course have been of Dick Cheney. Thank you to reader Herv Mannersman of Syndey, Australia for pointing this out to us.

 

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