|
1
|
Teddy
'Back Snapper' Johnson: It is reported that
he is an advisor to high security detention center in
Detroit. Lists interests as 'manacling prisoners', 'throwing
tomatoes' at them and 'eating corn fed dwarf chickens
three at a time'. |
|
2
|
Bobby
Ewing: Since December 2008 has been drilling for
oil using his bare hands. Unsuccessfully applied for
a Starbucks franchise in his home town but failed the
financial tests (only the third person in history to
be so denied). |
|
3
|
Sue
'Flopsie' Ellen: Reports say that she drinks too
heavily for her own good. Claims that she is actively
looking for UFOs in her spare time using the method
of looking up at the sky for days at a time. |
|
4
|
JR:
After getting a $60mn payoff he now punches little old
ladies in the face just for fun. |
|
5
|
Al
Capone: Gun running for his 6 year old nephew in
the family home, baking cakes and making jam. |
|
6
|
Old
Bill Hickok: Busy ghosting George W Bush's autobiography:
"You All Misunderestimated The Extent Of My
Messtimations." |
|
7
|
'Eyebrows'
McKey: Apparently has returned to his first love
- torturing people using those eye caliper thingies
that an optician uses. |
|
8
|
Randy
Carter: Has set up a vigilante group that goes out
at night to shoot all wild dogs and the newly homeless
in the neighborhood. |
|
9
|
'Crazy
Dog' Hartley: According to some sources,
was strangled with piano wire after a viewer of the
Daily Show saw a video of a person threatening to do
it. |
|
10
|
'Mad
Dog' Willis: Was offered as a swap for
Iranian hostages by CIA. The Iranians refused. |
|
11
|
'Gurney
Face' McAdams: Location unknown. Could be working
for a traveling carnival as a lion tamer. |
|
12
|
Jimmy
'Slaphead' Duncan: Has given up his executive
career to concentrate on regrowing his hair. |
