Dear
theVoiceofReason.com,
After
reading your excellent article on showering with wild creatures
last week, I felt I just had to write to you to give due
warning about the dangers of showering with certain animals:
Not
all animals are as kind and considerate as Koala Bears,
Parrots and circus trained chimpanzees!
The
whys and wherefores of why I chose to shower with Cedrick,
a five year old Billy goat, are of a personal nature which
I would not like to expound upon at this point.
Suffice
to say that it was just after noon on the 5th June last
year, that the weather was fine and the shower started pretty
much as it always does.
Looking
back on it now, I have to say that at no point in the proceedings
was the experience anything other than uncomfortable: A
fully grown, four legged, medium sized, animal in the shower
cubicle is a squeeze even though I am only of average height
and build!
In
spite of the cramped conditions, the first moments proceeded
as well as could be expected. I had lathered up, shampooed
my hair and everything seemed to be going fine.
It
was at this point that Cedrick started to show signs of
what I can only describe as impatience. So, even though
the shower had begun little more than thirty seconds hence,
I decided to turn my full attention to him. Imagine my surprise
at his reaction when I carefully moved down towards him
to start shampooing his pointy grey beard!
Now,
I am used to goats, have lived with them most of my life,
and the attempt at biting my shampoo filled hand when it
approached was something I had prepared for. But this was
just a precursor to some of the most aggressive goat violence
I have ever witnessed in a bathroom.
Kicking,
screaming, blood spurting, legs in the air, noses in places
even porn movies shy away from, are just a few of the experiences
I shared with Cedrick in those moments of bedlam.
Needless
to say I stopped the shower at that point and directioned
Cedrick to leave the bathroom so that I could firstly administer
first aid to myself, and then to clean up the mess.
I
am an animal lover but that is the first and last time I
will ever shower with a Billy goat and would advise your
readers to steer well clear.
Yours,
Bernie
Madoff
