Mordicum
and Branchville, a leading hedge fund manager that can literally
trace its roots back to the 1850s, is to hold a closing
down sale, we have discovered.
M&B's
formerly top performing Garden Hedge Fund's stock of hedges
will be sold in a number of garden centers throughout the
Wall Street area starting next Tuesday at 7am sharp.
A
sales guy for the company told this website: "There
has never been a better time to buy a hedge. I know you've
probably heard that quite a lot over the last few years
but now it really is the time to buy. Really."
This
is one of the most public liquidations (technically called
a 'defoliation' in the business) of a hedge fund yet. Experts
predict that many more hedge funds will be closed in the
coming months as the recession starts to really bite.
Hedges,
some as tall as 38 feet and 10 feet thick, will be on sale
from next Tuesday in two for one deals, 50% and 80% off
offers.
Any
remaining hedges will be put through one of those chipping
machines.
Hedges
became popular with investors over the last ten years. Returns
of over 25% a year were possible, according to charts.
But
the outlook for hedges as an investment vehicle going forward
is now bleak, according to the same charts.
Investment
professionals recommend only buying a hedge if you can afford
one:
"Buy
a hedge for it's aesthetic beauty, not as a means of making
a lot of money quickly," that's according to Jerry
Windbecker of Hedges For Everyone.
Banks are becoming less willing to offer finance on hedges,
and deals available as recently as in 2006 when banks were
offering mortgages of 30 times the market value of a hedge
have since been withdrawn. They are not expected to return
any time soon.
A
senior employee at the Federal Reserve, a former drinking
buddy of president George W Bush who has asked to remain
anonymous, told this website:
"I
never realised hedge funds actually invested in actual
hedges. I always assumed the term 'hedge fund' meant hedging
risk. Never did I think there was a building somewhere
holding all of these hedges. When you come to think of
it that way it's no wonder this boom has turned to bust
so badly."
