theVoiceofReason.com
Sept 18, 2008
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Federal Reserve Agrees Last Minute Rescue Of ARGH! Insurance

Better Fed' Than Dead

ARGH! insuranceARGH! Insurance has been rescued by the Federal Reserve in a last minute $76bn deal struck in the early hours of this morning.

This just the latest rescue in what is already being referred to as 'the financial rescuing season' (September and October 2008), which follows 10 years of increasingly exuberant corporate lunches, wine lists, and bonuses 'to die for'.

ARGH! was rescued following days of speculation that the insurance company / bank / over the counter financial derivatives franchise with over 400 garage based branches across the USA, was having 'accounting trouble fitting the zeroes at the end of some of its numbers in its book'.

Other companies believed to be tottering on the brink of financial Armageddon include:

Nuclear Waste Arbitrage Traders Of Idaho Inc: made a loss of $1.3billion on a turnover of just $56,000 in the first six months of the year, a record. The CEO of NWATI has changed his name several times and is believed to be living under the identify of a man who had assumed the identity of Britney Spears.

Bet The House Derivatives Bar and Grill Inc: believed to have $6 trillion worth of uncovered trades from customers who didn't come back the next day to pay off their margin calls like they promised the waitress they would.

Morgan's Disaster Capitalists Inc: specialists in interbank currency arbitrage for the 16-24 age group - assets estimated to be plus or minus $5 trillion.

Magnum Opus Guarantee Insurance Inc: sitting on a 'black hole' of what auditors describe as 'the equivalent of paper nuclear waste'. Rescue cost is said to be anywhere between plus or minus 'all the money there is and ever will be in the world'.

Ya Gotta Speculate To Accumulate Holdings Inc: made a profit of $600 bn, the largest profit of any unknown company in the world in 2007. Believed to now be insolvent and sitting on toxic negative assets exceeding $24trillion.

 

 

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