May 22, 2008
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Barack Obama's Security Risk Officially Upgraded From Murder To Assassination

Candidate Calamity

Barack Obama's security risk was officially upgraded today.

Obama's security will, from now on, be protecting the Democratic presidential candidate from threats of assassination and not murder, the clearest sign yet that he is to be the official Democratic candidate in the 2008 US presidential elections.

Hillary Clinton remains at risk of assassination and not murder now only due to the fact that she is married to a US president.

This is said to be good news for Barack Obama who only four months ago would only have been murdered had he been shot dead.

Our panel of experts give us their views:

Harry Meedsden, Circus Artist

"This is an historic moment. For the first time we have a black presidential candidate who can be officially assassinated."

Jerry Sprinkler, Radio Talk Show Host

"Now American Idol is finished I might start to take notice of the presidential elections. Who's on?"

Hug Tharsden, Bodybuilder

"What self respecting assassin would want to shoot dead a black presidential candidate when there is a perfectly good white boy to aim at in the White House at the moment?"

Jenny Smith, Financial Ombudsman

"Oh! God! Just when you thought there couldn't be any more about the elections on the television a candidate gets shot. Do you know what a thing like that would do to the television schedules? I shudder to think."

Rabbit Hutch, Organic Farmer

"If he gets killed does that mean Hillary Clinton takes over or do we have to have another Democrat candidate election?"



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