Gigli
has become legendary as one of the worst films from the
last decade or so. It's currently number 69 (!) in IMDB.com's
bottom 100.
I
have never seen it, but must admit that I have happily jumped
on the 'Gigli is crap' bandwagon [link].
I feel a little uneasy about this, although obviously confident
enough that my fellow internet comrades know what they are
talking about.
Gigli
just happened to be on television last week, and, whilst
I missed the first 30 minutes, thought I would watch it
anyway.
So,
here we are, 30 minutes into Gigli (including commercial
breaks)... let the action begin...
Hello
movie fans, you join me here 30 minutes down, J-Lo is sitting
bare-footedly reading a paperback book, Affleck is in best
quaffed Elvis bouffant hairdo...
There's
a knock at the door...
It's
Christopher Walken everybody!
Whooop
woooooo hey wooop!
--
It's only 3 minutes in and I've spotted my first continuity
error... wasn't Walken's coffee cup cap underneath the cup
when he comes into the room, and then it mysteriously goes
to the top of the cup? --
Christopher Walken is in form. I do like it when he shouts
random words all-of-a-sudden... and I like ice cream and
he seems to be shouting about ice cream now.
Scene
switches to a car going down a road. I like those shots,
where does the director, camera guy, sound guy, his assistant,
all sit? Brilliant.
I
also like the character Brian, the mentally handicapped
guy. Don't see many mentally handicapped guys in movies.
10 out of 10 for pushing the envelope here. Is he a plot
point? Damn I missed that first 30 minutes...
OK,
our heroes seem to have stopped now and are sitting in an
open cafe. Affleck is swearing at some punks who have just
put on some loud music.
Looks
like J-Lo is going over...
Now
this is my first J-Lo movie, am I about to see some mean
kick-ass moves here? Nice eye contact. Nice words. Nothing
kicks off, though. Pity. As they leave, Affleck destroys
a laptop. How does that not lead to a fight?
OK,
so we're driving about.
Affleck
has just got a phone call.
Cut
to Affleck injecting a fat woman in the butt cheeks. Is
he a doctor then? Oh, it's his mother.
Cut
to J-Lo stretch-ercising. Affleck is now talking about his
penis. Did J-Lo just refer to Ben Affleck's penis as a seaslug?
So,
the plot seems to be that our heroes have got to cut some
guy's thumb off and post it somewhere...
Affleck's
character and Brian are in a mortuary about to cut off a
guy's thumb. Something
I didn't expect just happened. I'm actually laughing. This
is an excellent skit, here. Always liked that 'Big Butts'
song, never heard it sung in a mortuary before. This has
got to be the movie highlight right here.
They
seem to have the thumb and they are posting it... Postal
point here, Affleck, I'm not that experienced in this sort
of thing but I would say that you should address the envelope
before putting the thumb in... not that way... did you even
write anything on that envelope or did you just pretend?
A
couple of scenes later and we get the obligatory sex scene.
It's competent. Fades out.
Our
heros go to a house and Al Pacino walks into the
room.
Al
fucking Pacino is in this movie? I'm speechless.
Any
way, a few scenes later and we're at the beach and it's
good-bye time.
J-Lo leaves and then comes back again, Brian talks to a
girl.
THE
END
Summary:
I can sort of see why this movie has been dumped on so much.
There's not much of a story. I suppose you expect more when
there are so many big names. This is basically a movie about
putting a thumb in an envelope, Jack Bauer could have done
that in five minutes.
I
read on imdb.com that this movie is not a trainwreck, and
that really sums up how I feel about it. Gigli isn't half
as bad as it could have been and is nowhere near as bad
as the worst film I have ever seen which is Rhinestone (starring
Sylvestor Stalone and Dolly Parton).
More
movie reviews are here.
