Nov 20, 2007
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Ramsay Advice

Gordon Ramsay Answers Your Questions On Effective Swearing

Kitchen Cursing Special

Gordon Ramsay has kindly agreed to answer some of our reader's questions on how to make the most of the f-word.

Dear Mr Ramsay, I and the girls at the Polite Gentlegirls of Bradfield Home For The Elderly all very much love your television show. We at first were quite shocked at your filthy botty-mouth even though your words were beeped out. But over time we started recording the late night version to hear what you were actually saying. It sounds so exciting to say such naughty things! I personally have never said the F-word outloud, or even to myself if truth be told. Any tips, maestro? I'm raring to go!

Soon after this picture was taken, Gordon Ramsay pulls the legs off a lamb using leverage from the back of his neck. Recipe: Rack of stretched lamb's legs au Citroen.

Dear Mavis, 87, thank you for your letter. I am told that there is a butterfly with the Latin name called Fuckitilliousfuckinastious. I suggest you start off by simply saying this name quietly and, as your confidence grows, you can increase the volume of this word. In any case take it easy and try not to shout this name to any of the fellows in the home as this could cause distress. Over time your confidence will grow and you will be cursing like a Marine in no time.

Dear Mr Ramsay, I was taught at school that swearing was not clever and is not funny. You have made millions of dollars swearing on the telly. Were my teachers, all those years ago, so wrong, and should I start swearing just like you?

Dear David, Swearing is a lifestyle choice and costs nothing, and, as you may have noticed, it has made me quite literally now a fucking millionaire. Sweet.

Dear Mr Ramsay, I have received an unsolicited e-mail claiming that I can make my penis bigger by just saying fuck over and over again. Is this true?

Dear Julie, Yes it is and for a small down-payment of only $35.99 followed by three monthly payments of $11.99 I can tell you how...

Dear Gordon, I cooked a cheese and ham omelet last night saying fuck every five seconds. My family all applauded my seeming tourettes inspired outbursts but all, after they had consumed by meal, said my omelet was the best they had ever tasted. Many thanks for your help. I will never cook without cursing again!

Dear Friar Bennington, thank you for you feedback. I personally never cook without cursing, and recommend it to anyone.

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Thanks to for helping us with our spellins... doh!


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