Gordon
Ramsay has kindly agreed to answer some of our reader's
questions on how to make the most of the f-word.
Dear
Mr Ramsay, I and the girls at the Polite Gentlegirls
of Bradfield Home For The Elderly all very much love your
television show. We at first were quite shocked at your
filthy botty-mouth even though your words were beeped out.
But over time we started recording the late night version
to hear what you were actually saying. It sounds so exciting
to say such naughty things! I personally have never said
the F-word outloud, or even to myself if truth be told.
Any tips, maestro? I'm raring to go!
 |
|
Soon
after this picture was taken, Gordon Ramsay pulls
the legs off a lamb using leverage from the back of
his neck. Recipe: Rack of stretched lamb's legs au
Citroen.
|
Dear
Mavis, 87, thank you for your letter. I am told that
there is a butterfly with the Latin name called Fuckitilliousfuckinastious.
I suggest you start off by simply saying this name quietly
and, as your confidence grows, you can increase the volume
of this word. In any case take it easy and try not to shout
this name to any of the fellows in the home as this could
cause distress. Over time your confidence will grow and
you will be cursing like a Marine in no time.
Dear
Mr Ramsay, I was taught at school that swearing was
not clever and is not funny. You have made millions of dollars
swearing on the telly. Were my teachers, all those years
ago, so wrong, and should I start swearing just like you?
Dear
David, Swearing is a lifestyle choice and costs nothing,
and, as you may have noticed, it has made me quite literally
now a fucking millionaire. Sweet.
Dear
Mr Ramsay, I have received an unsolicited e-mail claiming
that I can make my penis bigger by just saying fuck over
and over again. Is this true?
Dear
Julie, Yes it is and for a small down-payment of only
$35.99 followed by three monthly payments of $11.99 I can
tell you how...
Dear
Gordon, I cooked a cheese and ham omelet last night
saying fuck every five seconds. My family all applauded
my seeming tourettes inspired outbursts but all, after they
had consumed by meal, said my omelet was the best they had
ever tasted. Many thanks for your help. I will never cook
without cursing again!
Dear
Friar Bennington, thank you for you feedback. I personally
never cook without cursing, and recommend it to anyone.
If
you have question for Gordon Ramsay e-mail us at editor@theVoiceofReason.com
Thanks
to whatwouldramsaydo.com
for helping us with our spellins... doh!
