Oct 28, 2007
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Fire Flaming

Extended Highlights From That Sham FEMA Press Conference

FEMA Flummox
FEMA Deputy Administrator Harvey Johnson
FEMA Deputy Administrator Harvey Johnson speaks to staffers posing as reporters at supposed press conference last week.

Harvey Johnson: "Thank you, and, now, does anyone have any questions?"

Brenda Bosom: "(Love the brown suit, sir.) What sort of water are you using to put the fires out, sir?"

Harvey Johnson: "Thank you for your question. We are putting the fires out with a combination of water and special fire retarding chemicals."

Harry Smith: "(Love the combover, sir.) Is it true that you are using airplanes to douse the fires in a very quick professional manner unlike your supposedly slow response to the Katrina tragedy?"

Harvey Johnson: "Yes it is, although our response to Katrina is much maligned: we were quickly able to stop dousing the houses there with water after a couple of weeks, remember. Thank you for the opportunity to point that out on the record."

Tina Johnson: "(The tach goes well with the glasses, sir.) Is it true, sir, that water is the best thing to put out a fire?"

Harvey Johnson: "Yes it is. We have a thousand planes dropping a million gallons of water an hour every hour."

Jimmy Smitts: "Is it true that you have Jack Bauer helping you fight the fires?"

Harvey Johnson: "Yes it is. Mr Bauer has been very helpful and the fact that we are using him is just another indication of the professional inclusive response to this situation. Thank you for your question."

Jilly Ciper: " Sir I don't have a question at all but I wanted to take this opportunity to say that my readers are full of praise as to how well you have handled these fires. Well done Sir!"

[2 minutes of applause from all 'reporters' present]

Harvey Johnson: "Thank you for this feedback it is much appreciated." [Wipes tear from eye.]

Jeremy Smitts: "Is now a good time to ask for a raise, Sir?"

Harvey Johnson: "No, this is a press conference. I've never seen this man before in my life. Next."

Jeremy Smitts: "I'm your Personal Assistant, Sir."

Harvey Johnson: "Next question please."

Jeremy Smitts: "And I have a picture of us together at the Christmas office party last year..."

Harvey Johnson: "Security, will you please remove this genuine journalist from the press conference please."

Press conference ends all of a sudden. takes this opportunity to announce that FEMA have won Prats of 2007 with two months still to go. They also won the title in 2005 and 2006.


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