Oct 25, 2007
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Harry Hullabaloo

Dumbledore Is Gay, Says JK Rowling. What Do Our Panel Of Experts Think About That?

Potter Patter

Is this shocking, or not...? Only our panel of experts could possibly get to the bottom of this one...

Rock Whoopsadaisy: "Looking back, it was always the purple and pink patches in the wizarding clothing that gave it away, I suppose. There is nothing wrong with having a gay wizard per se as long as he doesn't try to magic me to fall in love with him. I'm a reasonable kind of guy but kissing a man with whiskers is just simply one step too far along the hedonistic scale for this silly old scally."


Bankable Bernie : "Ah, young man love. It takes me back to a dim distant past. But as, alas, whilst dear Dumbledore was deeply affected by his experiences, for me I just lusted from afar. Dribbled a bit too if memory serves. And boy did I use the bathroom! Ah, those were the days. I'm in a loveless marriage now with three kids. Oh what have I done with my life?"


Johnny Rotten : "Dumbledore is Gay? Oh, all right. Hmmm. Fine. Uhm. What, like gay in the 1950's sense? Happy? Hmm?

Well, I admire his fortitude. Being murdered like that in the sixth book and all. I'd be furious myself, but that's probably just me. Uhm, double triple Scotch please. Hic."


Mary Miery : "At last a gay wizard!

It's such a shame Rowling didn't mention it in the Harry Potter books. You know me, I simply love winding up the Fundamentalist Christians who had already banned the book on grounds of dark magic. Just imagine how pissed I could have made them if I had told them there was a gay character in it too?"


Bob Honeybee : "Isn't everybody gay when they are young? It's the hormones mostly I think. I don't think you can tar the poor sod because he fell in love with a young man when he was a young man himself. Nothing much new there is there?

Now, these bloody bastards who keep digging up my vegetable patch... I'll take a slipper to them if I thought it would make a difference."


Jimmy The Slap: "No?


Oh my God.

Oh, that's just awful.

I'm so sorry.

I really don't know what to say.

Has he tried tying heavy weights to his private parts and playing sports?"

Our readers have their say:

"I feel that the Voice of Reason failed to capture the more important follow-up to the Dumbledore outing.

I understand that in a fit of jealousy, Sir Ian McKellen outed Gandalf claiming that he was the original gay wizard.

Missing this key story is a sign of the shoddy journalism that I am slowly coming to expect from The Voice of Reason. If I infact subscribed to, or paid for your internet paper I would cancel my subscription."

Chris Rhind


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