George
Bush's brain was removed during a routine colonoscopy last week, we can now reveal.
The
60 year-old president has been unable to string a sentence together since, and
believes that he is Whitehouse pet dog Barney's brother.
Further
press conferences have been postponed and state dinners canceled. Interviews with
Fox News in which the president is allowed to read his answers off autocue are
unaffected.
Pictures
of the president playing with Barney have been circulating the world's press this
morning and tributes from world leaders have been trickling in.
A
spokesman told this web site:
"It's
a complete tragedy. I'm not sure what went wrong with the colonoscopy, maybe they
sucked when they should have blown?"
The
plight of the president was only discovered following an hour-long press conference
in which he answered questions on the Middle East, Health Issues and the ongoing
UN strategy in Afghanistan.
A
witness at the press conference told us:
"I
was in the front row and I didn't notice anything different than normal. Bush
has never been much of an eloquent speaker and this performance was simply remarkable
now that we know that his brain had been removed."
Vice
President Cheney paid tribute to the President for a remarkably eloquent press
conference under 'difficult conditions'.
An
emergency operation to return Bush's brain is scheduled for the next week.
