George
Bush's brain was removed during a routine colonoscopy last
week, we can now reveal.
The
60 year-old president has been unable to string a sentence
together since, and believes that he is Whitehouse pet dog
Barney's brother.
Further
press conferences have been postponed and state dinners
canceled. Interviews with Fox News in which the president
is allowed to read his answers off autocue are unaffected.
Pictures
of the president playing with Barney have been circulating
the world's press this morning and tributes from world leaders
have been trickling in.
A
spokesman told this web site:
"It's
a complete tragedy. I'm not sure what went wrong with
the colonoscopy, maybe they sucked when they should have
blown?"
The
plight of the president was only discovered following an
hour-long press conference in which he answered questions
on the Middle East, Health Issues and the ongoing UN strategy
in Afghanistan.
A
witness at the press conference told us:
"I
was in the front row and I didn't notice anything different
than normal. Bush has never been much of an eloquent speaker
and this performance was simply remarkable now that we
know that his brain had been removed."
Vice
President Cheney paid tribute to the President for a remarkably
eloquent press conference under 'difficult conditions'.
An
emergency operation to return Bush's brain is scheduled
for the next week.
