theVoiceofReason.com
Aug 21, 2007
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Abe Attack
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Was Abraham Lincoln An Ug-o? Join In Our History Debate!

Lincoln Monsterface

Abraham Lincoln's face had a good side (on the coins) and a bad side that was so ugly he scared babies... That is according to a shockingly terrifying discovery made by theVoiceofReason.com (to see our exclusive evidence take a looking at the bottom of this page).

But what do our panel of experts think?

"Oh he was completely ugly on his bad side. Thankfully they decided to use the acceptable looking cheek on the coins lest an entire population would be too scared to spend their money! Another triumph for capitalism!"

   

"If there is one thing that I find disconcerting it is when someone has an eye with a mind of its own. Lincoln's left eye was famous for wandering upwards when he was talking to you. I wouldn't be able to stop looking at it, and I fear that I would lose track of any point I was making, I may even have screamed."

   

"It's just as well someone assassinated Lincoln. It must have come as such a relief being shot all of a sudden when you are so ugly. Hic."

   

"Oh come on! Not everyone can have the swarthy good looks of a Bill Clinton, or the gauche unsophisticated good humor of a George W Bush, or the slow but purposeful Ronald Reagan, or the gloriously toothy Jimmy Carter, or the gloriously squashy nosed Richard Nixon... "

   

"Ugh! Lincoln, you ugly Beastie off the Moors! Put a bag on that head at once, ugly president man!"

   
"They say that Lincoln was kicked in the head by a horse when he was a boy. If that is the case then I say jolly well done for not looking uglier!"

But what does the evidence suggest? Our computer experts have made a disturbing discovery. (Click away now if you are easily shocked.)

We split up a portrait of Lincoln matching the two good sides together, and the two bad sides together.

This is Abraham Lincoln's portrait before we manipulated it:

Abraham Lincoln, Original

This is Abraham Lincoln with the two good sides together: (How suave!)

Abraham Lincoln, good side

And here is the evil looking Abe Lincoln, with both of the bad sides together... (Eeeeek!)

Abraham Lincoln bad side

 

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