Abraham
Lincoln's face had a good side (on the coins) and a bad side that was so ugly
he scared babies... That is according to a shockingly terrifying discovery made
by theVoiceofReason.com (to see our exclusive
evidence take a looking at the bottom of this page).
But
what do our panel of experts think?
 | "Oh
he was completely ugly on his bad side. Thankfully they decided to use the acceptable
looking cheek on the coins lest an entire population would be too scared to spend
their money! Another triumph for capitalism!" |
| | |
 | "If
there is one thing that I find disconcerting it is when someone has an eye with
a mind of its own. Lincoln's left eye was famous for wandering upwards when he
was talking to you. I wouldn't be able to stop looking at it, and I fear that
I would lose track of any point I was making, I may even have screamed." |
| | |
 | "It's
just as well someone assassinated Lincoln. It must have come as such a relief
being shot all of a sudden when you are so ugly. Hic." |
| | |
 | "Oh
come on! Not everyone can have the swarthy good looks of a Bill Clinton, or the
gauche unsophisticated good humor of a George W Bush, or the slow but purposeful
Ronald Reagan, or the gloriously toothy Jimmy Carter, or the gloriously squashy
nosed Richard Nixon... " |
| | |
 | "Ugh!
Lincoln, you ugly Beastie off the Moors! Put a bag on that head at once, ugly
president man!" |
| | |
 | "They
say that Lincoln was kicked in the head by a horse when he was a boy. If that
is the case then I say jolly well done for not looking uglier!" |
But
what does the evidence suggest? Our computer experts have made a disturbing discovery.
(Click away now if you are easily shocked.)
We
split up a portrait of Lincoln matching the two good sides together, and the two
bad sides together.
This
is Abraham Lincoln's portrait before we manipulated it:
This
is Abraham Lincoln with the two good sides together: (How suave!)
And
here is the evil looking Abe Lincoln, with both of the bad sides together... (Eeeeek!)
