July 9, 2007
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Management Madness 2

Management Tips From The Movies Part 2: Shrek

Managing More Mayhem
After yesterday's management tips taken from Pirates of the Caribbean, today we study Shrek to find the answers to the great mysteries of management...

TIP 1) LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING. Unless they have a criminal conviction rough looking employees are generally really really good/nice people, they just don't take kindly to 'management speak'. As their employer you should have done all of the basic police searches and taken up any relevant references so you should know whether they have any criminal convictions. If, as a manager, you look big and rough use it to scare others and impose your will.

TIP 2) EVERY SUCCESSFUL MANAGER NEEDS A DONKEY. Everyone needs a deputy, like Donkey to Shrek. Like Shrek, lay down the framework for the relationship (i.e. no whistling or singing at work). If you are a Donkey, never let your superior tell you what to do. And always have a supply of tic tacs on hand for when the close-quarters shouting takes place...

TIP 3) HOW TO DEAL WITH SHORT PEOPLE: Shrek has to handle Lord Farquaad in the first Shrek movie. If you yourself are a decent size it is always difficult to take seriously instructions given to you by very very short people. Management experts vary on how to deal with short people. Some say treat them like small children, others say laugh openly and at length to their face until they resign. (Note you will never get sacked for laughing at a short person because any arbitration committee will always see your point of view).

TIP 4) PROJECT MANAGEMENT. Most big projects are exactly like freeing a damsel in distress from a tall tower. Take advice from Shrek and battle on without a day-to-day plan, but just an overall plan ie to free the damsel in order for Lord Farquaad to give Shrek his own home. Property is never a bad purchase unless it's at the very top of the market. Free property is always good.

TIP 5) CONSIDERATE MANAGEMENT CAN SOMETIMES PAYS DIVIDENDS. Remember: Slaying the dragon is not always necessary for a successful project. Considerate management sometimes pays dividends. Depending on the project avoid what is euphemistically called collateral damage (buildings and any thing/persons inside). By minimizing the destruction you can sometimes discover new people to employ or use to your advantage in sequels or other projects.

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