A
man who weighs over 300 lbs, told by his doctor to start exercising or risk never
being able to find a chair to fit his fat ass ever again, has pledged to this
web site that he will never exercise 'for the sake of the environment'.
Said
he:
"I
was told to do some exercises, some jogging and stuff.
So
I started my warm up by thinking about doing it. (An athlete has to visualise).
I had just one donut. Coffee. Another coffee. Another donut. Walked out
of the house to look see if the paper had arrived yet. Waited. While I stood there
at the door I was shocked to discover a lump under my left breast - discovered
it was a donut I'd forgotten about last week. Ate it. Then, after a couple of
minutes, it struck me that by even just putting on my jogging pants I could be
needlessly increasing my carbon dioxide emissions which is a greenhouse gas. So
I went to sit down before I did any more damage to the environment.
So
I thought: 'so get a buff bod and the environment suffers, who's the winner here?
The
environment's need is greater than mine. Not going jogging is a sacrifice but
I'm prepared to make it for the good of the environment."
The
fat guy, who has changed his name to a really rude name so that the media are
unable to report it under decency laws, has pledged to never increase his carbon
emissions above 'sedate' ever again.
The
man said that his doctor had originally talked him into training for the 2022
New York Marathon, as part of his Get Back To Fit Campaign, 2007-21.
"But
I'm just gonna sit in this chair and watch the TV for the good of the environment",
he said.
"Working
out is killing the environment, everyone should be told."
If
you would like further information on our 'Save The World Again In 2007' campaign,
please don't ask for our fact sheet number 20212: "Masturbation is better
for the environment than getting into your car and driving about to find a hooker
on the street."
Or
Don't Get One Of Our Fantastic New UFG Tees:
 |  |
UFG:
Ultimate Fat Guy | UFG:
Working Out Is Killing The Environment |
