theVoiceofReason.com
May 29, 2007
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Short Fat Guy: "I'm Not Jogging, For Sake Of Environment"

UFG: Ultimate Fat Guy 2007

A man who weighs over 300 lbs, told by his doctor to start exercising or risk never being able to find a chair to fit his fat ass ever again, has pledged to this web site that he will never exercise 'for the sake of the environment'.

Said he:

"I was told to do some exercises, some jogging and stuff.

So I started my warm up by thinking about doing it. (An athlete has to visualise). I had just one donut. Coffee. Another coffee. Another donut. Walked out of the house to look see if the paper had arrived yet. Waited. While I stood there at the door I was shocked to discover a lump under my left breast - discovered it was a donut I'd forgotten about last week. Ate it. Then, after a couple of minutes, it struck me that by even just putting on my jogging pants I could be needlessly increasing my carbon dioxide emissions which is a greenhouse gas. So I went to sit down before I did any more damage to the environment.

So I thought: 'so get a buff bod and the environment suffers, who's the winner here?

The environment's need is greater than mine. Not going jogging is a sacrifice but I'm prepared to make it for the good of the environment."

The fat guy, who has changed his name to a really rude name so that the media are unable to report it under decency laws, has pledged to never increase his carbon emissions above 'sedate' ever again.

The man said that his doctor had originally talked him into training for the 2022 New York Marathon, as part of his Get Back To Fit Campaign, 2007-21.

"But I'm just gonna sit in this chair and watch the TV for the good of the environment", he said.

"Working out is killing the environment, everyone should be told."

If you would like further information on our 'Save The World Again In 2007' campaign, please don't ask for our fact sheet number 20212: "Masturbation is better for the environment than getting into your car and driving about to find a hooker on the street."

Or Don't Get One Of Our Fantastic New UFG Tees:

UFG: Ultimate Fat GuyUFG: Working Out Is Killing The Environment
UFG: Ultimate Fat Guy
UFG: Working Out Is Killing The Environment

 

 

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