Jan 9, 2007
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Witty Whitney

Whitney Houston Auction: Mystery Over Church Pew 'Musical Instrument' Grows

"I Will Always Love Pew" has discovered that, amongst the designer hats, stage equipment and 'Broadway' items, Whitney Houston is trying to sell off a church pew in her current auction. (Have a look for yourself here).

But what is it for?

It doesn't seem to be Broadway equipment, because they've got a section for that.

It isn't marked as general stage equipment either, which also might explain it.

It's just a church pew, exactly like the one below. In fact this is the actual picture from the auction site of it...

Whitney Houston's Church Pew
Church pew being auctioned by Whitney Houston

Our investigators have discovered that it could be a musical instrument.

We believe this because the church pew is displayed on the web site between two musical instruments: a Vintage Hammond Organ w/ Speaker and a Yamaha Professional Drum Set:

Screenshot from website
Genuine screen shot from Whitney Houston Auction Web Site

A spokespriest told us:

"It's all very suspicious. I have never seen a church pew being played as a musical instrument before."

But that spokesman is completely wrong, we have since discovered.

We can now reveal, for the first time on any web site in the world, a group of middle-aged-to-elderly Whitney Houston fans who actually do play church pews, like a musical instrument...

And it's not pretty...

The group in question go by the name of The Obese Naked Ass Slappers Of Philadelphia (Whitney Houston Division), and we have seen video footage of them slapping their naked rears on hard surfaces (including church pews) to Whitney Houston classics...

It's yet another example of the sad decline in the fortunes of Whitney Houston.

Another mystery solved...


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