is proud to present the first interview with baby David
Banda Mwale Ciccone Richie, the newly adopted Madonna child.
took along the
internationally renowned baby mind reader James Spores,
who provided the translation for us.
Spores is a world leading baby and dog interpreter who is
able to read the mind of children and many household pets.
interview took place at a secret location at 2:35 in the
thank you for the interview David, or Dave, can I call you
call me Dave, that's cool.
Dave, what's it like to have a famous Momie?
OK. Is it milk time yet? Oh, and guy, cut the patronizing
tone hey? I wasn't born yesterday.
think you're fed at 3 o'clock which gives us about 20 minutes
for this interview.
it like to be adopted by one of the world's leading pop
it's OK. There were a few couples after me. I used my eyes
on Madge. I did that squinty-laughy thing with a bit of
a tear in my left eye. She loved it. Surprisingly lined
face close up, though.
your nursery like? Bet it's better than the orphanage in
Because Malawi must be sh** because it's all crap in Africa,
huh? F***in cheek. To be completely honest, mate, a cot's
a cot. Took me a couple of days to adjust to the cold over
here actually, but as long as they feed me and change my
arse more than a couple of times a day I'm a happy bunny.
Tomorrow magazine has voted you most likely Madonna child
to become a dancer, your views?
put much thought into a career just yet. I'm pretty much
loaded now anyway, right? I mean, it's all about the connections
the parents have got, isn't it? Anyway, according to the
press, my birth Dad can't even remember having me adopted.
How can you work with that? I don't know. To be honest,
I'm glad to be out of there.
that an aircraft in your mobile? (Pointing above Dave's
it is. Look, not wishing to be rude, but isn't it eating
time yet? I'm f***ing starving. And the arse could do with
some attention too.
seem to have picked up the English quickly?
yes. English. The easiest language in the world to learn,
the hardest to master!! Ha ha. My vocabulary is, as you
would probably expect, quite limited at the moment, but
I get along. I put in a few 'f***s' here and there and it
seems to work the crowd just nicely. Oh, is that my bottle?
Gotta go, see ya!
that point the interview, through the baby translation service
of James Spores, concluded.