"A teenager steals my car. I immediately steal a car and try to crash into as many cars that look like mine until I get my car back, or it is too damaged to drive. Huzzah!"

"I am wet-shaving and the razor slips and I have a nasty nick. It is bleeding. I go to the supermarket where I bought the razor and give similar nicks to all of the people entering and exiting the building for at least the next 7 days."

"Uhm. Hic. I think I have one... I am playing kinky games with my partner and I agree to be tied up and gagged and have acts performed on me with a banana. Unfortunately, my partner exceeds her remit and proceeds to perform acts on me with a banana, an orange and a lemon. As I am gagged I am powerless to direct her otherwise until I am released from the restraint. Once released from my restraint, I retaliate by bombing the fresh fruit section of the local supermarket, hoping that she is there at the time."

"I am applying lipstick to my kisser whilst riding on the bus on the way to work. The driver intentionally swerves and my lipstick continues on to my ear. I go to the front of the bus and punch him in the face whilst the bus is still going along the highway, I keep punching until he is unable to drive the bus any longer. Then, I presume, the bus will have to crash a little. Once that is done, I would then draw a similar lipstick line on his face to show him what's what. My apologies to anyone else on the bus who got injured or killed, but that's just the risk you run when you take a bus these days."