June 12, 2006
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Windows Wallys

Windows 98 and ME: Microsoft Accepts Failures, To Bring Troops Home

"The time is now right to withdraw our troops"

Software giant, Microsoft, has said it is to withdraw it's engineering troops from the battle to support Windows 98 and ME, by next Tuesday.

The two operating systems were widely regarded as a mistake soon after they were launched.

Users of 98 and ME have been hostile to Microsoft's attempts to support them for many years, with allegations of atrocities and arrogance laid at the door of the software behemoth.

Bill Gates, who proclaimed victory over bugs in Windows ME whilst speaking to troops on a warship in 2003, has since apologised to users of the two operating systems, which he now accepts had fatal flaws in their design:

"We were expecting users to greet Windows ME with street celebrations, as it liberated them from the evil tyranny that was Windows 98.

But, when it came down to it, users were put off by the early, unanticipated, problems with the software."

Reports of looting soon swept around the world following the lawlessness that accompanied the introduction of Windows ME, as users didn't have anything else to do because their computers kept crashing.

Windows ME was introduced in the marketing opportunity now referred to as 'Oh My Giddy Aunt everything is going to blow up on 1/1/2000' or ITBonusFest2000.

A spokesman for Microsoft, General Michael Shernborgh, issued the following statement:

"After extensive surveillance of the enemy and the number of troops at our disposal, we have been forced to conclude that The Component Object Model cannot support a fix.

There really is nothing we can do.

It is better for us to withdraw our troops from this mess now rather than risk continuing to support a situation which could deteriorate into all-out war at any moment."


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