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May 2, 2006
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World Cup 2006: German Courts To Fine Male Streakers 'By The Inch'

Willy Wannabees

A German judge has told our reporter that he will 'not hesitate' to slap heavy fines on visiting streakers if they interrupt any of the World Cup games. The tournament begins in Munich, Friday 9th June 2006.

Councilor Heimlick Hossfilger told our reporter:

"The fine is the equivalent of 12 Euros per inch, or 5 Euros per centimetre."

"We have been fining local streaking men this for over three years and the fine has become very popular, especially now that full details of the larger fines are printed in the local paper."

An expert in Fines and Stuff at Harvard University:

"These Germans seem to be on to something here. Making a streaking man pay a fine linked to the size of his eeer-ghem is almost the perfect fine when measured on a risk-reward basis."

"However, although it is clearly a popular revenue raising fine, I fear that it will only serve to encourage certain exhibitionistic types."

Editor of local newspaper, Der Klienerpumpfen, said:

"The day when we started putting photographs of the fined men in our paper saw the circulation skyrocket."

A critic of the scheme observed:

"Fining a streaking man for the size of his you-know-what on the one hand undoubtedly gives him a bigger fine for what is a bigger offense, however it's seen by those men as a small price to pay for bragging rights."

"It's such a shame that all the men so far have been happy to pay the larger fines, I would like to see a test case at the European Court of Human Rights."

Hurg Vlandovstok, so far fined the largest amount (156 Euros), told our reporter:

"I have become a minor celebrity since my fine. I decided to plead not guilty at the trial just so that I could have my penis measured officially."

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