May 25, 2006
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ American Idol Quotes

As American Idol Ends, Here Are Our Favorite Simon Cowell Non-Quotes

Simon Cowell Terror

He's the critic they all love to hate.

But how catty could he be if we wrote for him?

Our experts in catty side-swipes have come up with the following:


"I liked it until you fell off the stage at the end."

"I liked it until you fell off the stage and then got up and continued singing."

"There's a role on the stage for you: Long John Silver."

"If your tap dancing was as good as your singing you'd have broken your legs and most of the backing group's as well."

"Get a boob job, get your nose fixed, have a throat transplant, get your left leg lengthened two inches and the right one shortened an inch, get contact lenses, take that bright orange wig off and then maybe, maybe, come back again in thirty years time."

"I'm sorry, were there sound problems during that performance or did you really sound like a camel at one point?"

"I'm not sure if that was as bad as 'shrieking cats' or 'fingernails on blackboard', maybe it was somewhere in between."


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