An
Italian-sounding man, who told us that he was phoning from the Vatican, said that
the Catholic Church has welcomed "with open arms" Madonna's latest world
tour in which she:
-
sings as if being crucified from a mirror-laden cross whilst wearing a crown of
thorns,
- dresses
up in black and then whips people,
-
and rides nearly-naked muscley-men as if they are horses.
The
endorsement is said to have come as a shock to the superstar who many now fear
has finally lost her ability to offend.
Fears
are growing that ticket sales will be obliterated following the Vatican comments.
For Sale notices have already been put on many of Madonna's albums, books
and pointy-bras in stores around the world.
An
expert on shock marketing told us:
"It is the worst possible outcome."
"Sales
of Madonna stuff grew rapidly in the late 1980's when the Vatican condemned her
video in which she gave a big wet tonguey-kiss to a black Jesus."
"It
looks as if she has finally lost her once bankable shockery."
Shock
marketers have been hysterically contacting Madonna management with new ideas,
but many feel it is too late for this tour.
One
of the more popular ideas amongst marketers is a cartoon sequence involving the
Prophet Mohammed.
