security has confirmed to this website that the president's dog, Barney, has been
given his own guard dog.
being protected by the FBI's 'Helmet'
spokesman told us:
theft is a growing concern around the world. We had a credible threat that Barney
was being targeted by suspicious looking men outside the perimeter of the Whitehouse
grounds with hooks on the ends of very long sticks."
last thing we need, in these times of 'terror round every corner', is a
president so worried about his petnapped dog that he can't concentrate on the
affairs of State."
guard dog, Helmet, is a specially cloned "Growling German Shnitzell";
Helmet is a fully decorated FBI officer specially trained for pet theft and can
fit it's protectee in its mouth and 'run like the wind' in the event of a petnapping
is almost exclusively confined to small yappy type or short fluffy dogs under
Australia there are no known instances of Crocodilenapping.
tortoise can never be pet napped because it carries it's home on it's back and
so is never out of the house.