Feb 13, 2006
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ VP KO

Cheney's Guards 'Would Not Have Hesitated to Terminate Whittington'

Quail Hunting Incident

A spokesman for Vice Presidential security has confirmed to this website that any attempt to fire bird shot into the face of VP Dick Cheney would have:

"...probably led to the person who fired being terminated in a hail of bullets and possibly rockets, even if it was an accident by an elderly person".

Luckily it was only Harry Whittington, 78, who was shot in the face by Dick Cheney this Saturday during a quail shoot.

A hunting expert at the scene told our reporter:

"Had Whittington shot Cheney in the face, I don't fancy Whittington's chances much."

A secret service spokesman told our reporter:

"Standard procedure in the event of a person accidentally firing bird shot into the face of the Vice President would be to break the 78 year-old's arms, legs, fingers, chest and hips using the method of jumping on him, or 'bundling'. That's what we are trained for. That is what we are paid to do."

"But most probably we would have strafed him with machine gun fire and rockets until he was dead."

Reports are that Harry Whittington was returning with a quail he had shot when he surprised Cheney.

Cheney is reported to have turned in his direction and shot him in the face.

An unarmed Dick Cheney has since been allowed to visit Whittington in hospital.

It has since been discovered that Mr Whittington, reported as being a 'contributor' to George Bush's campaign funds in 2000 and 2004, only actually gave $1000, and $2000. This is an extremely small donation and would not normally have included a shooting trip with the Vice President.

A Republican Party donations expert told us:

"This is a very small donation and may only have given the donator the minimum 'quail pass' on any hunting trip. So basically he got what he paid for."

In other news:
A report released today says the White House was a complete failure in it's response to Hurricane Katrina.
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