theVoiceofReason.com
Jan 19, 2006
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Our Critics Review Brokeback Mountain, Even Though They Haven't Seen It Yet

"The best film of the year so far"

Brokeback Mountain is being tipped as the movie of the year, even if it is a Western...

We haven't seen it yet, but that has never stopped us reviewing a movie before...

This is what our critics thought...

"Is there a best tree in a movie Oscar? If there isn't there should be!"

"Lush lingering longing in the lumberyard."

"Those with a cowboy hats fetish will not be disappointed."

"The best film of the year so far and, even though it's only 19th January when this was published, I actually wrote this last year."

"Heath Ledger and Jake Gallenhaal, Laurel and Hardy for the new millennium! An un-mustachioed triumph!"

"A sumptuous cornucopia of men in hats and stuff. Truly exquisite camerawork. I particularly admired the trees em-blanketing the rolling hills like the finest forests should; lakes that glisten like highly polished mirrors; skies as blue as Windows XP default settings. Exquisite."

"More skinny-dipping than you would dare to shake a twig at..."

"I and my all-male line dancing group have been performing our line dance protest for outside the local cinema. Unfortunately we were unsuccessful in stopping the movie, although I got given the cell phone numbers of over 30 men."

"I do hope neither of those actors are gay, that would be a disgrace!"

 

Note to studio: All of these quotes are usable for free on promotional posters.

theVoiceofReason.com guarantees that we have never seen the movie.

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