Dec 06, 2005
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Torture Terror

Top Ten Euphemisms For Torture

Terrible Torture Terror

As Condi Rice denies that the CIA is involved in torture of terrorist suspects, we present here our ten favorite euphemisms for torture around the world...


The 'Glasgow Kiss'

Head-butt to the nose. See also 'Happy Duffing', below.


The 'Canadian Cuddle'

Bear Hug by hairy shirtless person at least four wrestling weight divisions above informant.


The 'Sound of Music'

Victims are forced to sing songs from The Sound Of Music while interrogator holds their tongue in their hand or in a vice. (Note: It is standard procedure to knock informant's teeth out before holding their tongue in a naked hand.) Alternative version involves interrogatee's being whipped and being told to scream in tune with the songs from Musical Theater being played.


The 'Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire'

A popular seasonal torture here. Testicles dangled over hot coals. (Not to be confused with the Belgian Sizzle-Roast where the testicles are coated with Belgian Truffle Oil).


The 'Jack Frost Nipping At Your Nose'

Another torture popular in the December, January months. Nose is held in a vice and then lifted up to support entire body weight. See also the Three Stooges torture where a strong person pulls the interrogatee up and down by his nose until a confession is obtained.


The 'Happy Duffing'

Multiple Glasgow Kiss's mixed with freestyle punching and kicking.


The 'Rambo Greets Osama'

Dress the interrogatee up in Middle Eastern clothing and then set fire to a part of him, extinguish him, then repeat until a confession is obtained... Note: If he is already wearing those clothes it saves time.



Electrodes to the testicles.


'Honey I'm Home'

Boiling honey applied to various parts of the body.


'Olympic High Dive'

Threaten to throw the potential informant off a high diving board into an empty swimming pool. See also the Synchronized Olympic High Dive for two or more informants.

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